Maybe I’m just a little too paranoid or maybe I’m too much of a perfectionist. Either way, it increases the stress I put upon myself.

I was allowed to do cashier-ing today for 2 hours. Of which I made a few mistakes. Luckily the customers were nice and quite forgiving. Most of the time, the aunties and managers tell us to be careful of the soup and hot drinks, careful not to spill and hurt ourselves. But I’m not afraid of burning myself, I’m afraid of spilling and wasting the drink and then probably get a scolding for that. Actually I just burnt my hand today when I accidentally hit the hot coffee cup and a bit of the coffee spilled out on my hand. So that’s no big deal.

I spilled a bit of coke too. Yew Seng, one of the managers (the nicer one) just told me nicely to be careful. I don’t think he minded that I spilled the coke. But inwardly I was scolding myself for making that stupid mistake.

In my previous jobs, I learnt that not everyone can be trusted. People may be nice to you but behind your back, they may be saying all the bad stuff about you. That’s what I think of a certain 2 managers. I know it isn’t nice to go around suspecting people and I wish I didn’t have to feel this way. One seems to have a problem with my hair. First time he says I should tie lower so my hair doesn’t swish to the front when I turn. Fine. Today he says that I have to change my scrunchie to either a dark blue or black one. I was using a lighter blue one by the way. The next moment I glanced to the other side and I saw one of the crew used a pink band to tie her hair. It made me feel like taking a pair of scissors and just snip of my long hair right in front of him. Yes, I told Sis to stop playing with my hair before and warned her if she kept doing that, I’ll snip off my hair so she can’t play with it anymore. Don’t think I’m the kind who will cry if I have to cut off my long hair.

The other one just seems to suspect everything Sis and I do. And he doesn’t seem nice. Fullstop.

So the manager (who has a problem with my hair) was kinda angry today. Not sure over what. Maybe a customer scolded him about something. Not sure. But immediately I started to get scared whether it was my fault. Maybe I got a customer’s order wrong and he scolded the manager. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe my fault…maybe my fault…maybe my fault…

I’m hoping I can bare with all this a little longer…already I’m starting to dread it and it ain’t good. I still think I prefer to do office/admin jobs.