Confessions of Being in Isolation

Every time I come back here to pen something, it will be after like a long time. Wish I had more time to do whatever I like, but being an adult is hard… And I guess it’s just a matter of priorities. I chose to embark on an influencer journey with IG being the main focus, hence this blog has to take a back seat.

Anyway, on to the main point.

So I caught the big C and had to be isolated for a while. For most part, I’m actually loving my time in here. For once, I don’t have to be doing household chores and taking care of the kids 24/7. I still do have to go out of the room once in a while to handle some things (coz hubby can’t handle it all alone…hah…and I could when he was the one in isolation) but it’s rather minimal already.

While in isolation, my influencer jobs were mostly put on hold. Apart from some engagement work, I actually for once have free time to do a couple of other things. Oh yes, I binge watched and caught up on the C drama I’m watching now. I get to literally nua and stay in bed a lot. Like A LOT. The earlier days of C+, I slept a lot. Now, not so much but I get to just lie in bed whenever I feel like it. Happiness~~~

It is probably my last few hours in isolation and this freedom is going to end, but gonna milk it for what it’s worth and enjoy my last moments of it. I guess the only moments I don’t enjoy is having to wear a mask all the time. The N95 mask is terrible…so tight and hardly can breathe in it. Oh and the frequent hand washing. I have never washed my hands so many times in a day before.

Unpopular Opinion

So…I’m back with some unpopular opinion. Yup, here’s my opinion that no one asked for.

I was just googling drama stuff yesterday when I stumbled upon the big news of Deng Lun evading taxes and getting cancelled. I *guess* evading taxes is a serious crime but seems like what follows is cancel culture in China. Especially if you’re in showbiz. He’s definitely not the first to get cancelled for his misdeeds but I’m like…erm…do we really need to do this? It’s not just brands dropping him as ambassador. I honestly get that bit. I mean, which brand would want someone “tainted” or “criminal” to be the face of their brand right? A brand stands for certain qualities, so someone with a bad record probably wouldn’t embody those qualities. But really? Blocking his social media accounts? I don’t get this one.

Then there’s all the hate messages. Well, I know haters gonna hate and some people just NEED to be keyboard warriors or trolls. But gosh, do you REALLY have to tear someone to shreds with your words? Does it enrich your life to hurt someone with mean words? Someone that you don’t even personally know. I feel like this is the dark side of humanity. If there’s anything to be afraid of in this world, humans are the scariest. These are the people that make you lose faith in humanity.

I don’t know…but maybe this whole evading taxes thing is a common thing, just what degree of severity and when you get caught. It’s like finding loopholes in the rules to get around them. I’m not saying that evading taxes is the right thing to do or waving his deed off as nothing serious. Just that perhaps everyone does it in some way and maybe he got a bit too greedy this time and oops…got caught.

But He is Only Human

I guess this is a part two to the previous post.

So I saw more pics of Yang Yang at (an airport?) Starbucks getting a drink. Again with lots of fans holding up their camera phones to click away. This weird irritated feeling bubbled inside me. “Can the poor guy just get a coffee without all the scrutiny and attention?”

I know that when I was younger, I had my time of star chasing. The days of queuing for hours. Almost joined some other crazy fans to chase stars around in a taxi. (My mum would have disapproved so I didn’t.) But the fact is, I had condoned such behaviour, so who am I now to judge? Perhaps these fans are just living out their teenage youth.

Somewhere along those years, I stopped doing all this coz I decided that beauty sleep is more important. Family members are more important. (I gave up catching a glimpse of Arashi when they came to Singapore.) Maybe I finally understood, even if just a little, what my grandpa meant when he said “What’s so special about them? They are also human right?”

I also start to see things from another perspective. What if all the camera phones were pointed at me? What if they were all IN. MY. FACE? How would I feel? Honestly, I would feel annoyed. Can’t I just go about my life doing normal things like other people do…without all the attention? I’ve had people stare at me when I’m in lolita. Also had people try to take pictures of me. I’ve learnt to ignore but really that is only a FEW people. There are times I feel a bit weird like please don’t treat me like I’m some animal/exhibit in the zoo, but I’ve also learnt to brush these feelings away. (Sidenote: I prefer people asking if they can take my photo. Like just ask, I don’t bite. I usually will oblige if people ask me nicely. Taking photos without my permission is just rude.)

But, this (Yang Yang’s situation) is way above my level. If I had a question I wanted to ask Yang Yang or just any celebrity, it would be “How do you even tahan this (level of attention)?” Everywhere he walks, it’s all these camera phones.

I understand that perhaps these celebrities condone it coz they feel that it’s a harmless thing fans are doing. This is just something fans do and all this is part of celebrity life. Perhaps celebrities also feel that it is somewhat fan service? After all, it is through fan support that I am where I am today. And on a separate note, this is perhaps part of the Chinese (PRC) culture? (Not allowed for sure in Japan coz some Singaporean fans were scolded by Viyuden’s manager years ago when they tried tailing the van.)

I also understand that with all these fans clicking away, other fans like me get fed with photos of our glorious star. HAHAHA…such irony right? Though honestly, I can still live my life pretty well without these photos. So thank you very much.

But he is only human. I guess he should be entitled to the basic courtesy of privacy and normalcy right? Like dude CAN get a coffee minus the attention. *shrugs*

Do You Sometimes Wish

Another one of those impossible things I thought of this morning.

Actually this was something I came across last night but started to think about it this morning. So I was happily scrolling through IG and came across this pic of Yang Yang walking through possibly the airport. Could see fans taking pics of him in the background.

I suppose when you’re a celebrity, you kinda get used to the attention and after a while, you kinda know how to block out all the noise. But I wonder do these celebrities ever (if even for just one second) wish that they could live life like a normal person without all the attention? Does it get tiring that you’re always under the scrutiny of someone? Like someone is always gonna judge you?

Perhaps my questions are taboo coz this is part and parcel of celebrity life and even if you secretly wish for life without the attention, you can’t say it out. Someone will get hurt or angry if you do coz THIS IS part of celebrity life. You don’t get to choose.

I just can’t imagine myself doing this. I think it will be a big inner struggle for me. Coz then I can’t be my true self. I will always have to keep some thoughts to myself. Even if I don’t like something, I have to just pretend I am fine with it. Remember I said I live by the words “This is who I am…” I can’t suppress feelings for too long. It becomes an inner struggle and it makes me feel like I’m losing myself. Which is why I also write…and blog it out.

Men and Scams

Scams a plenty on Instagram. Stolen pics of handsome men. Some seemingly rich and flaunting their wealth with pics of fine cuisine, flashy sports/luxury cars, luxury goods, the list goes on.

All I wanna say is…

OEI. You think all girls are gold diggers meh? You think I have never eaten before what you’ve eaten meh? Please lah. Don’t make me roll my eyes.

The promise of a luxurious lifestyle is attractive to some but hey, I think I much prefer going on dates to the aquarium or a library with interesting decor. Also, self-made gifts and the occasional flowers are much more appreciated coz they contain the giver’s thoughts and love.

If you think money and luxury is what a girl wants then hmmm…you gotta think again. Gonna quote a friend here. What a girl wants is to simply eat and not get fat. TRUE STORY. Nowadays, even I breathe air also can get fat. How leh?!


YOLO = You Only Live Once

After almost 9 months of not stepping into the hairdresser’s, I finally had my hair cut today! Got it rebonded too so no more weird curls and kinks. Also got my favourite bangs.

Last pic before I cut my hair
Yay to haircut!

Nothing too YOLO about it but I have been secretly dreaming of pink ombre hair. No guts to act upon it yet. The bleaching part is making me think twice. My hair gets really dry and frizzy so I don’t want to regret bleaching it.

The more YOLO part is…*drumroll* I have been thinking about getting a tattoo. Shocking right? Elisia getting a tattoo. Who would have thought such words would come out of my mouth. Yea, I don’t want it to be some image. More inspired by Holly Jean’s tattoo of her girl’s name. At first, I thought of doing one with my girls’ names. But then I thought about it and decided a quote in a nice cursive font might be better. “This is who I am…” Words that I live by.

Just a thought. Not acting on it yet coz I know the hubby might go nuts.


You Can Feel the Pain, Don’t You?

I kinda like the pace like that. Not too bogged down with IG work so I have some time to blog my thoughts.

I have been using Spotify a lot lately. Gone are the days of downloading mp3s. This is much more convenient. Doesn’t take up space in my laptop too. But one thing irks me. I can’t find certain songs. Olivia Lufkin, NewS… it is akin to going to KTV and not finding the song you want to sing. Urgh.

I mad love Olivia Lufkin (and her super dolphin voice). Especially her inspi’ Reira (Trapnest) songs. They convey the exact emotions of the characters in NANA.

My favourite song.

I call the latter ‘the impossibly sad song’. You can really feel Reira’s sadness and loneliness in the song. Coz of that, I have good mind to attempt this song at KTV even though it is quite high pitched for me.

If you haven’t read/watched any of Ai Yazawa’s works, you damn well should. NANA, Paradise Kiss…the raw emotions are conveyed very clearly. She portrays the mundane life and struggle to break free to reach one’s dreams very well.

Someone left a comment in one of the YouTube videos saying that Ai Yazawa has a great understanding of humans that a lot of writers don’t get. In NANA, relationships and friendships shift and change a lot like in real life. It is not always a happy ending. People who seem a perfect fit (e.g. Osaki Nana and Ren) do not always end up together.

I need to revisit the manga some time…

What If I Were…

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Alice in “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll

Oh yes, I’m having breakfast now and pondering over some (rather superficial) questions.

Before I get to what impossible thing I thought of, let me backtrack a bit. So here’s the thing, I’ve been watching lot of Chinese dramas lately and I noticed that actors and actresses dress a lot in branded clothing even when they are off work. Granted they have signed contracts to endorse certain high fashion brands and maybe it is part of the contract to be seen wearing the brand, but do they ever wear like cheap stuff from Taobao anymore?

I understand that quality might differ a great deal, but what if all else equal?

Wearing branded goods can be as of a status symbol. You know like “Urgh, I’m a well-known celebrity, can’t be caught wearing cheap ass stuff.” Probably true for some, if not all?

Hubby once said that it is a psychological thing. Once you start on branded goods, there is no way you would want to “downgrade” to cheaper stuff. Hmmm…so it is a mindset thing. Kinda bullshit coz I’ve carried slightly branded bags before and I’m still buying stuff off Taobao. But I guess the margin is much smaller in my case as compared to say LV vs. Taobao. I mean if you are seen in high fashion all the time, would you dare be caught in Taobao stuff?

Holding on to that last thought, if I were a celebrity, how would I think? I might just go with high fashion all the time out of familiarity of the brand. Although a small part of me still wants to say yea, it’s bullshit. I wear what I like and what I want. If Taobao stuff looks good, then why not?

Now, here’s the impossible thing I thought of. What if my partner were a celebrity but I am just an ordinary citizen who is not in the entertainment scene? Would I need to be seen in high fashion too to “match” my partner? Can I ever walk out again in my tee, shorts and flip flops coz that is just who I am? Am I going to lose myself and my identity for the sake of my partner? (Ok, I suddenly thought of lolita fashion and the big what if I am forced to leave that behind. Nooooo…lolita fashion is a part of me. 😭)

Ok, breakfast time is over. Back to reality, girl.

Been Too Long

It has been too long since I last blogged. I love writing, I really do. But I find myself having not enough time to do everything I want to. By the time I finish my work on IG, it is almost time to turn in and I spend the last moments of the day unwinding to some Chinese drama.

Lately, I tried conveying some of my thoughts on IG stories (IGs). However, I realise I have to give a very condensed version on IGs, else it will span many stories. This irritates me a little. And when little issues like this irritate me, I feel I need to get in control of it. Coz I know I CAN do something about it.

So I am going to try. Too many thoughts lost before I can pen them down…

MealPal Event Fail

Dear MealPal,

Let me tell you how you failed terribly in your food tasting event yesterday. I believe the aim of the event was to get the word out about your service and at the same time, let people know what kind of food options are available. EXCEPT, I didn’t learn anything about your service at the event and I’m pretty sure most (if not all) of the people who attended it were there only for the free food. Ok, maybe I walked away with one tiny bit of information: $8 for restaurant meals and $1 for hawker meals. That was from the lone standee at the event. There were no flyers being handed out or information boards or staff announcing/introducing what MealPal is all about.

I had to log into my account today to find out that the service is for people working in the CBD area. Totally useless to me. Also found out that it is not a delivery service. People have to download the app on their phones and scan the QR code when they pick up their meals from the restaurants/eateries.

Oh, and did I mention that your rival Burpple, has a similar service too? At least I had more information on their service. *tsk*

I do thank you though for the free food and, the T-shirt and reusable cutlery set that was given out at the event. Also, much thanks for the four free meals through your service too…though I wouldn’t be able to use them.