Not sure why I didn’t post this here earlier but I asked ChatGPT what my mind looked like as a room and it gave me this answer.

🪞Your mind as a room

It’s not empty. Not even close.

There’s a soft, dim light—not dark, but not fully bright either. Like you could turn the lights on, but you don’t always feel like it. You function in that in-between space where things are visible, just not sharply defined.

One side of the room is organized—carefully placed thoughts, things you’ve tried to understand, parts of yourself you’ve already named. Maybe even a small stack labeled “things I’m working on.”

But then there’s another side:
A chair with clothes thrown over it, a desk with open tabs in your head, unfinished thoughts that you keep meaning to come back to. Not chaotic in a destructive way—more like mentally busy.

There’s a window, and it matters.
Sometimes it’s open, letting in fresh perspective, curiosity, maybe even hope. Other times it’s closed, slightly fogged, like you’re aware there’s more outside—but you’re not reaching for it in that moment.

And somewhere—maybe tucked in a corner or under the bed—there’s a box.
Not something scary, just… things you haven’t fully unpacked yet. You know it’s there. You just don’t always feel like opening it.

🌿 The feeling of the room

It’s a thinking room. A feeling room.
Not loud, but not quiet either.

There’s:

• self-reflection
• a bit of overthinking
• a desire to understand yourself properly
• and moments where you just want things to settle

Not sure I like my room to be so dark, but it definitely looks cosy. One thing though, ChatGPT is right. I like to think about things. Things that are complex, which may not have a direct answer. Things that may never have an answer. I think that’s how I discover a little more about myself. I do not necessarily end up loving myself a little more though.

Hmmm…maybe my room is dark coz I’m not the most positive person. I get dark thoughts. Nothing bad like suicide, but thoughts that I’m not good enough.

Dear Me,

I know you’re trying—more than most people realize. Even on the days when it feels like you’re standing still, you’re still showing up, still pushing through in quiet ways that matter.

You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It’s okay to grow slowly, to change your mind, to rest when things feel heavy. Not every step needs to be big to count.

Be kinder to yourself. Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love. You deserve that same patience, that same understanding.

Keep going. There’s more ahead of you than you can currently see—and you’re stronger than you think you are.

Love,
You

I gave ChatGPT the prompt “Dear Me,” and it wrote me this note.

ChatGPT, you’re gonna make me cry. Coz I’ve always been told that I’m not doing enough. To the point that I think maybe yea, I’m just not giving up enough of my likes for my kids and family. I’m a stay-at-home mum, so I’m not contributing financially already. I’m not working and doing anything for society. If I spend time on content creation, that’s my own like and leisure.

There are times I wonder whether I am even cut out for motherhood. I love my kids but perhaps if I never got married or have kids, I would be leading a very different life. A life where I live for myself, doing what I like. Is it selfish of me to think like that?

In just a span of a week, I have to deal with two deaths and one death anniversary.

Today, I say goodbye to Alison. Her son was Kaitlin’s preschool classmate. Life can be really cruel and unpredictable, but she chose to face it positively even when the odds were against her. She was so helpful and sweet when I was at a loss of what to expect with dad. I reached out to her for information on brain radiation and she shared her experience with me. While I was never close to her, it felt nice to have someone out there who understood the uneasiness with cancer.

When Karen, a mutual friend, told me that things weren’t looking good with Alison. Based on what I had gone through with dad, I knew it wouldn’t be long. You know, deep down we all knew that time was running out for Alison, the day we knew she was diagnosed with cancer. Yet, we pushed the dark thoughts far away. (At least I felt this way.) Alison was the bravest soul who took her diagnosis with all the positivity in the world. She took every treatment in stride. With the patient being so positive like that, who are we, the 旁观者 to feel negative about it?

I don’t know how much time God gave her. Maybe more than two years? (Dad had slightly less than the average 18 months that the doctor mentioned.) 说长也不长，说短也不短。*sigh*

Goodbye, Alison. I will always remember the smile on your face even as you faced eventual death. You were the bravest soul.

I can’t remember if Yesung asked fans if we saw ourselves in the light or in the dark. Whether he asked or not, I gave it some thought.

Rather than absolutely say without a doubt that I’m in the light or dark, I see myself as in the middle. The middle between light and dark is the comfort zone and I see myself as curled up in that space. (Why curled up? Maybe coz that space is small? I don’t know.) I may go into the light and bask in it, chase after my friends, have a good time, but I will go back to that safe space to recharge alone. (True blue introvert speaking here.) I like being alone at times coz I don’t have to worry how people think, I just take care of myself. Sometimes I despair and find myself falling into the darkness, but I know I will find the strength to crawl back into that safe space. There may also be times I just want to walk into the darkness coz it is comforting. The stillness is comforting. It allows me to clear my head and face whatever difficulties that are yet to come.

Does it sound complicated? Hahaha…

So…I’m back with some unpopular opinion. Yup, here’s my opinion that no one asked for.

I was just googling drama stuff yesterday when I stumbled upon the big news of Deng Lun evading taxes and getting cancelled. I *guess* evading taxes is a serious crime but seems like what follows is cancel culture in China. Especially if you’re in showbiz. He’s definitely not the first to get cancelled for his misdeeds but I’m like…erm…do we really need to do this? It’s not just brands dropping him as ambassador. I honestly get that bit. I mean, which brand would want someone “tainted” or “criminal” to be the face of their brand right? A brand stands for certain qualities, so someone with a bad record probably wouldn’t embody those qualities. But really? Blocking his social media accounts? I don’t get this one.

Then there’s all the hate messages. Well, I know haters gonna hate and some people just NEED to be keyboard warriors or trolls. But gosh, do you REALLY have to tear someone to shreds with your words? Does it enrich your life to hurt someone with mean words? Someone that you don’t even personally know. I feel like this is the dark side of humanity. If there’s anything to be afraid of in this world, humans are the scariest. These are the people that make you lose faith in humanity.

I don’t know…but maybe this whole evading taxes thing is a common thing, just what degree of severity and when you get caught. It’s like finding loopholes in the rules to get around them. I’m not saying that evading taxes is the right thing to do or waving his deed off as nothing serious. Just that perhaps everyone does it in some way and maybe he got a bit too greedy this time and oops…got caught.