I mentioned earlier in my Sakihokoru thoughts post about how I see myself as being in that middle ground between light and dark. May I complicate things a bit more by saying that there are two sides of me.

The light side of me loves pink, pastel-ly colours and cute things like My Melody.

The dark side of me loves red and black, slightly morbid things like Skelanimals, Emily the Strange and McGee’s Alice.

Every time I listen to Paramore’s “Brick by Boring Brick”, it somehow gives me the feel of cruelly crushing innocence. It conjures up the image of a beautiful butterfly fluttering about and the next thing you know, a hand reaches out to crush it. I first listened to this song coz Hayley Williams was wearing a Bodyline lolita dress in the MV. But the song grew on me and it was in tune with my dark side.

Haha, did I scare anyone? Don’t worry, I don’t have split personality.

Wow, the last post was written back in 2022? I have neglected this blog too much. Then again, life and responsibilities just catches up with me and I find myself unable to sit down for too long to stew in my own thoughts. But, even as I go back and forth with hiatuses from blogging, I am unwilling to give up on hosting this blog. It contains precious memories. It’s my dumping ground for my thoughts. If you look back at all my posts, you can practically see me growing up and how my thoughts change along with it. I also love writing out my thoughts. It gives me this sense of clarity and relief for things I’m puzzled with.

I can’t promise that I will keep writing regularly but I’m certain that I will not be giving up on this blog yet…

IG has been a place for me to work on sponsorships but I want to move away from being an influencer and an ad board, and become more of a content creator where I showcase more of my thoughts. That’s why you begin to see segments like “Story Time” and “I Try”. Threads on the other hand, is a place where I have verbal/thought diarrhoea. Piece meal, random thoughts that float into my head. A random mish-mash of thoughts. Both grounds are unlike a blog. I can’t go free flow on my thoughts and words due to space constraints. For IG, reels more than 90 seconds hardly get pushed to viewers. For Threads, there’s a character limit. That is why this blog will not die.

But the problem is…I have too much to say, right? I just love rambling on and on, even though I’m a true blue introvert and hardly speak much verbally. The words just pour out when I write.

Every time I come back here to pen something, it will be after like a long time. Wish I had more time to do whatever I like, but being an adult is hard… And I guess it’s just a matter of priorities. I chose to embark on an influencer journey with IG being the main focus, hence this blog has to take a back seat.

Anyway, on to the main point.

So I caught the big C and had to be isolated for a while. For most part, I’m actually loving my time in here. For once, I don’t have to be doing household chores and taking care of the kids 24/7. I still do have to go out of the room once in a while to handle some things (coz hubby can’t handle it all alone…hah…and I could when he was the one in isolation) but it’s rather minimal already.

While in isolation, my influencer jobs were mostly put on hold. Apart from some engagement work, I actually for once have free time to do a couple of other things. Oh yes, I binge watched and caught up on the C drama I’m watching now. I get to literally nua and stay in bed a lot. Like A LOT. The earlier days of C+, I slept a lot. Now, not so much but I get to just lie in bed whenever I feel like it. Happiness~~~

It is probably my last few hours in isolation and this freedom is going to end, but gonna milk it for what it’s worth and enjoy my last moments of it. I guess the only moments I don’t enjoy is having to wear a mask all the time. The N95 mask is terrible…so tight and hardly can breathe in it. Oh and the frequent hand washing. I have never washed my hands so many times in a day before.

YOLO = You Only Live Once

After almost 9 months of not stepping into the hairdresser’s, I finally had my hair cut today! Got it rebonded too so no more weird curls and kinks. Also got my favourite bangs.

Nothing too YOLO about it but I have been secretly dreaming of pink ombre hair. No guts to act upon it yet. The bleaching part is making me think twice. My hair gets really dry and frizzy so I don’t want to regret bleaching it.

The more YOLO part is…*drumroll* I have been thinking about getting a tattoo. Shocking right? Elisia getting a tattoo. Who would have thought such words would come out of my mouth. Yea, I don’t want it to be some image. More inspired by Holly Jean’s tattoo of her girl’s name. At first, I thought of doing one with my girls’ names. But then I thought about it and decided a quote in a nice cursive font might be better. “This is who I am…” Words that I live by.

Just a thought. Not acting on it yet coz I know the hubby might go nuts.

Heh.

Back again…well, kinda. Trying to go back to blogging while juggling mummy duties. It hasn’t been a whole lot easy. I tried a few times but failed, so I hope this is the last and successful attempt. At first it was just being mum to Emilee. Then my computer had to die on me. So I’m pretty much bound to what this new laptop has (which is practically starting from nothing) until I find a way to get my old files out from the old hard disk.

I’m still microblogging on Dayre and the updates there are more frequent than here coz I can do everything from my phone.

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. Life with a bub is not easy. I’m trying micro-blogging at Dayre. Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop blogging here. But until the next post, please find updates here…

Elisia’s Dayre

I guess when life gets a little too comfortable, you’re being thrown some lemons to spice things up a little. But that’s how life never gets too boring because there are always challenges for you to navigate through.

At my last check up last Wednesday, I received the most horrible of news. I had gained weight which was good, but baby is still not growing well and putting on the necessary weight. In fact, baby’s weight is now slightly off the chart at 1.61kg when she should be 1.8kg. Doppler scans showed that everything else was fine except her waist measurement. More importantly, the amniotic fluid is a little low but still considered normal and the blood flow from the placenta is good. So, doctors really have no idea why baby is not growing well.

I have to go for weekly scans now to make sure the blood flow to baby does not drop. If any time the blood flow drops, they will induce labour. If not, they will still induce labour at 37 weeks just as a precaution to make sure that baby has a better chance of survival. So yup, baby can be out any time from now till the week of 9 November. The minute I heard that I could be delivering baby at 34 weeks (which is this week by the way), my mind went into a mess. Baby’s room is not even totally ready. I haven’t packed my hospital bag. Oh my goodness, there’s still so much outstanding stuff to do! I was just thanking my lucky stars that I had completed the last minute buying of clothes and bath tub just a week ago. But still!

If baby is to be out at 34 weeks, I needed to be given two steroid jabs to help with the development of baby’s lungs to cope with the outside world. Because I have gestational diabetes (GD), the steroid jabs could cause my blood sugar readings to spike which is a danger to both baby and me. Therefore, I was warded for observation. I think everyone is worried about how I’m taking to all this, but trust me, I have learnt to take things easy and take things as they come. There is no point in asking “why me?” If God has willed that I am to go through these challenges in life, then so be it. He has his reasons. Besides, like I said before, I think God has been really fair. While other mummies have to endure horrible morning sickness, pains and aches, I went through almost nothing. GD and this are my only challenges throughout my pregnancy.

[Cross posted entry on MUMMY TO BABY]

I am slowly learning to accept my condition. While it is a quite a hassle to change my food intake schedule, I try to find and focus on the positive points in this whole exercise of monitoring my blood sugar. Although I’m told to only take and record down my blood sugar readings twice a week, I’m doing it for more days just so I can experiment with eating different foods. This helps me find out what foods and at what amounts are ok. It is still tough when people snack on potato chips and eat desserts in front of me, but I can resist the temptation quite well.

Just so you know how strict my food intake schedule is:

9am — Breakfast * (2 servings carbohydrates)
12pm — Lunch * (5 servings carbohydrates)
3-4pm — Tea (1 serving carbohydrates)
7.30pm — Dinner * (5 servings carbohydrates)
10pm — Supper ** (1 serving carbohydrates)

* signifies to take my blood sugar reading before and after the meal
** signifies to take my blood sugar reading after my meal or before I sleep

Of course I do take proteins, fruit and vegetables during lunch and dinner, but carbohydrates are what I have to watch most. Carbohydrates cause sugar spikes in a shorter period of time as compared to proteins. In the booklet I’m given, the carbohydrates food list includes bread, cereals, starchy vegetables, legumes, milk and fruit.

It’s necessary for me to stick to these timings for food intake as I don’t want to have huge sugar spikes at any moment. So, I have to space out my meals and make sure I don’t eat more than what I should during each meal.

My hubby and I were quite surprised to learn about the servings of different foods required per meal. For example, two matchbox sized pieces of meat is enough to meet the protein requirement per meal. Six servings of protein is the maximum requirement needed in a day. One serving of lean meat is about 30g. We looked at each other and imagined the amount of steak we eat each time. He can eat 200g of steak at one go. That’s already slightly more than the required amount needed in a day. In other words, we have been overeating for a meal or a day.

You may be wondering if I feel full after lunch or dinner since the amount of food eaten during each meal seems to be very little. The answer is yes. I do feel hungry faster, but that’s where tea and supper come in to fill the gaps.

[Cross posted entry on MUMMY TO BABY]