Do You Sometimes Wish

Another one of those impossible things I thought of this morning.

Actually this was something I came across last night but started to think about it this morning. So I was happily scrolling through IG and came across this pic of Yang Yang walking through possibly the airport. Could see fans taking pics of him in the background.

I suppose when you’re a celebrity, you kinda get used to the attention and after a while, you kinda know how to block out all the noise. But I wonder do these celebrities ever (if even for just one second) wish that they could live life like a normal person without all the attention? Does it get tiring that you’re always under the scrutiny of someone? Like someone is always gonna judge you?

Perhaps my questions are taboo coz this is part and parcel of celebrity life and even if you secretly wish for life without the attention, you can’t say it out. Someone will get hurt or angry if you do coz THIS IS part of celebrity life. You don’t get to choose.

I just can’t imagine myself doing this. I think it will be a big inner struggle for me. Coz then I can’t be my true self. I will always have to keep some thoughts to myself. Even if I don’t like something, I have to just pretend I am fine with it. Remember I said I live by the words “This is who I am…” I can’t suppress feelings for too long. It becomes an inner struggle and it makes me feel like I’m losing myself. Which is why I also write…and blog it out.

Men and Scams

Scams a plenty on Instagram. Stolen pics of handsome men. Some seemingly rich and flaunting their wealth with pics of fine cuisine, flashy sports/luxury cars, luxury goods, the list goes on.

All I wanna say is…

OEI. You think all girls are gold diggers meh? You think I have never eaten before what you’ve eaten meh? Please lah. Don’t make me roll my eyes.

The promise of a luxurious lifestyle is attractive to some but hey, I think I much prefer going on dates to the aquarium or a library with interesting decor. Also, self-made gifts and the occasional flowers are much more appreciated coz they contain the giver’s thoughts and love.

If you think money and luxury is what a girl wants then hmmm…you gotta think again. Gonna quote a friend here. What a girl wants is to simply eat and not get fat. TRUE STORY. Nowadays, even I breathe air also can get fat. How leh?!

What If I Were…

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Alice in “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll

Oh yes, I’m having breakfast now and pondering over some (rather superficial) questions.

Before I get to what impossible thing I thought of, let me backtrack a bit. So here’s the thing, I’ve been watching lot of Chinese dramas lately and I noticed that actors and actresses dress a lot in branded clothing even when they are off work. Granted they have signed contracts to endorse certain high fashion brands and maybe it is part of the contract to be seen wearing the brand, but do they ever wear like cheap stuff from Taobao anymore?

I understand that quality might differ a great deal, but what if all else equal?

Wearing branded goods can be as of a status symbol. You know like “Urgh, I’m a well-known celebrity, can’t be caught wearing cheap ass stuff.” Probably true for some, if not all?

Hubby once said that it is a psychological thing. Once you start on branded goods, there is no way you would want to “downgrade” to cheaper stuff. Hmmm…so it is a mindset thing. Kinda bullshit coz I’ve carried slightly branded bags before and I’m still buying stuff off Taobao. But I guess the margin is much smaller in my case as compared to say LV vs. Taobao. I mean if you are seen in high fashion all the time, would you dare be caught in Taobao stuff?

Holding on to that last thought, if I were a celebrity, how would I think? I might just go with high fashion all the time out of familiarity of the brand. Although a small part of me still wants to say yea, it’s bullshit. I wear what I like and what I want. If Taobao stuff looks good, then why not?

Now, here’s the impossible thing I thought of. What if my partner were a celebrity but I am just an ordinary citizen who is not in the entertainment scene? Would I need to be seen in high fashion too to “match” my partner? Can I ever walk out again in my tee, shorts and flip flops coz that is just who I am? Am I going to lose myself and my identity for the sake of my partner? (Ok, I suddenly thought of lolita fashion and the big what if I am forced to leave that behind. Nooooo…lolita fashion is a part of me. 😭)

Ok, breakfast time is over. Back to reality, girl.

Been Too Long

It has been too long since I last blogged. I love writing, I really do. But I find myself having not enough time to do everything I want to. By the time I finish my work on IG, it is almost time to turn in and I spend the last moments of the day unwinding to some Chinese drama.

Lately, I tried conveying some of my thoughts on IG stories (IGs). However, I realise I have to give a very condensed version on IGs, else it will span many stories. This irritates me a little. And when little issues like this irritate me, I feel I need to get in control of it. Coz I know I CAN do something about it.

So I am going to try. Too many thoughts lost before I can pen them down…

but this is not cosplay!

Something happened yesterday which kind of sparked my interest to write this entry.

Disclaimer: This issue concerns a friend and her opinions. My entry is not to flame or shame her. She is purely entitled to her opinions as I am to mine.

It was after the Harajuku walk and we were dressed in our lolita outfits, walking around trying to get to our dinner venue. As we passed by an elevator in a mall, a lady exclaimed loudly that we were in cosplay outfits. My friend replied in a slightly annoyed tone: “No, it’s not.” I was amused by her reaction and said that well, not everyone understands the difference between cosplay and lolita fashion. She replied that it irritated her when people had to make comments out loud like that when it is obvious that they are completely ignorant.

Being into the fashion for a couple of years now, I couldn’t help but think back to the time when I was also hot blooded over the issue of people calling lolita fashion, cosplay. Why do people call it cosplay? Do you even know what cosplay means? We are not even trying to imitate a character or person so how can lolita fashion be cosplay? It’s even worse when people think lolita fashion is some kinky fashion coz it has something to do with the novel, Lolita. But that is a discussion for another day.

It just gets too complicated and tiring when almost every single person we meet is clueless about the fashion and we have to launch into this whole explanation on what it is. So I’ve decided to just ignore such comments. No point getting annoyed over it. It isn’t people’s fault that they are ignorant about the topic. I’m not going to waste my time getting all riled up unless someone passes some rude remark about my dressing.

Hmmm…but it wouldn’t hurt if you did some reading up on the fashion to educate yourself ya?

PS: On a separate note, I FORGOT TO TAKE A COORD SHOT. Now I gotta wait for the photographers to post their photos. Meh.

i went on a rollercoaster ride with Misako and Nissy?!

I had a strange yet nice dream two nights ago. It involved members of AAA, Misako and Nissy in particular.

So it seemed AAA was having a concert and I was getting a cab from somewhere to go to the concert venue. Lo and behold, Misako and Nissy were in the queue just before me. Since we were probably all going to the same venue, how about we share a cab? I asked and Misako agreed, and we all boarded the cab.

While in the cab, Misako and I started talking (no idea in what language) but soon we were like old friends. Nissy was for some reason being all sullen and refused to join in the conversation. Misako told me that he’s like that and to ignore him. In the dream, I felt surprised and a tinge of disappointment as it was so unlike him on stage — always bouncing around with energy and being all chatty.

Anyway, soon we reached the concert venue. A couple of fans were already there and started running up to Misako, asking for pictures with her. I was kinda brushed aside but somehow she remembered me and got me to be in the picture too. The fans were all squealing and disturbing this outdoor band performance so we got shoo-ed away.

As we were walking off, Misako suddenly pulled out a concert ticket. Strangely, it had this coupon for a free ride on the rollercoaster at the concert venue. (Yea, strange…like what?! Is this a concert or funfair now??? And why the hell would Misako have a ticket when she is the artiste that will be performing???) She asked me if I’ll go sit the rollercoaster with her and Nissy. I felt so happy.

Soon the rollercoaster ride ended and it was time for her and Nissy to go get ready for the concert. We walked together to the hall. Just as she opened the door to the hall, I took a peek in and saw the other AAA members already there and getting ready. At that moment, Shin-chan came out and wanted to get something. I was so excited and said: “Hi, Shin-chan!” (This time I was sure I spoke in English as I knew he understood English.) At the same time, Shin-chan said: “Hi, I’m Shin!” Maybe he thought it polite to introduce himself since I was Misako’s friend.

And then I woke up. Argh. Would have loved to talk to Shin-chan more. That is like my real life dream too. Ah well.

Hmmm…sure as hell hope that Nissy is not all sullen in real life. That would really be a huge disappointment.

thoughts about me and lolita fashion

Amidst all the flurry in the local lolita community for tomorrow’s big event, I couldn’t help but slow down and think about my own lolita journey — specifically wearing wigs.

I’ve never worn one. I just don’t have the guts to. Admittedly, wigs are great coz then I can probably have any hair colour I want without having to dye/bleach my own hair. Yay for pink ombre hair! I can have the braids I so love but can’t tie on my own hair. Again, I just don’t have the guts to take that first step. It’s really not about me. I’ld do it anyway…just that I don’t think I can handle the reaction from family members.

Here’s why. Lolita fashion is a part of me which I enjoy. I’ve never really seen it as strange but I can’t say the same for others. It is something out of the ordinary for them so I really don’t blame them if they make it a big deal. It’s just that sometimes I wish they would treat it as normal and not pay like super big attention to it.

Case in point, once I was hurrying out the door to a lolita meet. A family member stopped me for some pictures. Erm…nothing really wrong with that but I think the whole point was coz I was dressed DIFFERENTLY. Imagine if I was in a wig. Oh gosh, I feel like all the why questions would start flying out and honestly, I don’t want to launch into a lengthy explanation on why.

Sigh. I am weird like that and I guess it’ll take a long long time before I’m mentally ready to handle that. For now, I’ll just stick to my crappy hair.

i dreamt i talked to shin-chan

There’s no fancy way of putting it, but simply, I dreamt I talked to Shin-chan from AAA. Not as a fan at a fan meet, but as a friend.

We were sitting in the back seat of a car, waiting for some friends or family? Not certain who we were waiting for. We were listening to some Japanese music. I recall Perfume and some other artistes. I suppose it was our first time talking to each other coz when I tried to make small talk, he seemed rather aloof. People would know that the true blue introvert of me doesn’t like to make awkward small talk. Anyway, I asked him which college was he in. He answered quite curtly like he was uncomfortable revealing a detail of his personal life. But then, I hit jackpot when I started commenting on how there must be a couple of Asian supermarkets around his college just like how mine did. That’s like a god-send for students coming from Asian countries. He started opening up a bit more when we talked about that. Weird though, I commented at some point that he was Taiwanese. LIKE WHY WOULD I SAY HE’S TAIWANESE??? I must have quite a few Taiwanese friends, that’s why.

And that was all. I know it was a rather blah dream but it was a good one. I am an introvert but I do crave to get to know people on a one-on-one personal level. And yes, I would love to talk to Shin-chan one day and get to know him as a friend.

life with GD

My life just got a little more complicated.

I meant to blog earlier about the last baby seminar I attended, but things got a little busy for me. By the time I was ready to write, I got hit by some bad news. I had gone for the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) and the results weren’t good. I am diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

While I was half prepared for the bad news, I must say that it did shake me up a little. I couldn’t help but wonder why me. Things have been going really well for this pregnancy and now I’m being thrown into some crap situation. But the rational side of me knows that there is no use asking why because God has his plan and to be quite honest, I have already gotten the sweeter end of the deal so far (e.g. no morning sickness, no aches and pains, etc.).

I am grateful for the support I’ve received from family, friends and other mummies. Their encouraging words help me to get on with the slightly inconvenient change in life — planning my meals, watching my diet very closely, pricking my fingers seven times a day for twice a week. Yet, their encouragement can only get me so far.

It is not about bearing with this slight inconvenience for another three months. Three months? I am very sure I can do it. I’ve been resisting the temptation of eating sweet food since week 8 of my pregnancy (did pinch a little now and then, but otherwise, I’ve been quite disciplined), what’s another three months? Nothing much to me. It’s the afterwards that I fear, my friends. Two to six weeks after my pregnancy, I will need to go for another GTT to determine if I’m a regular diabetic to begin with. This is exceptionally scary for me. Due to my family history, I am at higher risk of developing diabetes.

Imagine not being able to enjoy sweet food and desserts all your life. Imagine giving up your favourite sweet dessert for good. Now, you tell me whether it’s scary or not? I don’t even know how my mum deals with her once in a blue moon can of Coke Zero or annual birthday cake only.

It is very frustrating…

Ok, back to planning my meals for today.

[Cross posted entry on MUMMY TO BABY]

life is not all about grades

A long overdued entry, but here it is…

A friend posted a sad piece of news on Facebook some time ago. It’s about a straight A student who committed suicide over two Bs in her O’levels. Shortly after her death, her mother followed suit and committed suicide as well.

I’m not going to retell the whole story as you can click on the link to read the full article, but I will share my thoughts on it. My first reaction was “Two Bs and she got so upset? Oh my, she really shouldn’t have.” Grades aren’t everything. Sure, good grades perhaps pave a better way towards a successful career that’s characterised with high pay and impressive titles, but who really knows what the future holds? At 16, do you even know what you want to do in the future?

Grades and Life

I use myself as an example. I scored three Bs and four Cs in my O’levels which meant I could not even smell the air of Junior College. That was alright since I already set my mind on studying in a polytechnic. Three years of polytechnic flew past and I scored mediocre grades. Not good enough for a local university, but I got a place in US college. Fair enough again since I never really wanted to attend a local university and I was lucky that my family could afford sending me overseas. Four years apart from my family in an unfamiliar country really opened my eyes. There was a pressure to do well as most of the other Singaporeans in the college were on scholarship and were expected to score a high GPA. I took that as motivation to study hard and finally earned a degree with honours. Of course, that degree got me a good and well-paying job. After two years, I quit and became a homemaker.

Moral of the story? I scored shit grades for O’levels and an average GPA in polytechnic, yet I managed to get to college and earn a degree with honours. So what? After that, I still ended up being a homemaker. Grades do matter a little, but they don’t write your life. Life is about the choices you make and the experiences you learn from. There are so many things that cannot be taught from books but must be learnt through experience. Do I regret my decisions in life? Maybe a little…definitely could have put in more effort in studying a lot earlier. But do I regret how my life has turned out? No. I have chosen this path to walk in life and along the way I’ve learnt so many things. These experiences become a part a me and shape who I am.

Many a time I’ve overheard students telling their friends that their parents expect them to end up with at least a Master’s degree. Are you even sure that’s what you want for yourself? Or is that just your parents’ wishes? Having a goal in life and working towards it is good, but you must be aware that there can be changes along the way. Again, no one knows what the future holds. Your thoughts may change due to whatever reason and you divert from your original path. And who’s to say this diversion is not good?

Kiasu Parenting

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. You hear of parents sending their two or three-year-olds for this and that enrichment class. Then, you hear of students going for two tuition sessions for the same subject. Parents, are you raising kids or zombies? Is all this really necessary? You didn’t go through this kind of childhood and you turned out fine, didn’t you?

If you think about it carefully, it again goes back to what characterises your life? Only grades? Or more than that?

As a mum-to-be, I can only say that I hope that my child does well in all aspects of life and not just be book smart. The last I want is a child that answers “studyyyyy~~~” like a robot when someone asks him/her what he/she does in his/her free time. (True story, by the way.)

While parents can hope that their child excels in everything, you should know by now that every kid is different. Each person has his strengths and weaknesses. It’s the same for education. Some have the aptitude for academics, others don’t. As parents, you can give your child a little push to make sure he doesn’t play too much and neglect his studies, but you shouldn’t go overboard. Everyone has a breaking point and you really don’t want your child (or even yourself) to reach that.