I don’t know when I’ve become so caught up in grades and awards. Maybe it’s coz since Secondary school, I’ve never been the one who got the good grades or any award.  Yea, I know I can only blame myself then for not putting in more effort. Now that I’m in college, I’m putting in all this effort, but I’m not getting anything at all.

The worst part is someone whom I feel is undeserving is getting it instead. Where have I gone wrong? What have I done wrong? 我真的不懂我为了什么在加油。为了什么在拼命的好好读书。At the end of the day, I’m still stuck at the starting point. 真的好累。我真的好累。

Argh. Wrong time to open the email. Why did I have to look at the list of awardees when I have to write an 8 page essay? Now my mood is like shit. Trying to listen to music to calm myself and complaining to a good friend who is trying her best to cheer me up.

I have 2 choices: 1) motivate myself to do even better 2) give up. As much as I hate it, I know which I’ll choose in the end.