Disappointment 1
我很不甘愿…

I put in more effort this time but…sigh. I got a much higher score for the Math portion. But the Verbal and Writing sections are worse.

Last night, Dad showed me my cousin’s grades. I know he didn’t mean to remind me of my way lousier grades but it did hurt me. *tries to do the Mr-D-confidence chant*

At that moment, Mdm Pey’s words rang in my ears. “如果你不满意你的成绩，你可以重考。” It has been 5 years since but the memory is fresh. I remember crying over my C5 O’level chinese grade. Although I didn’t work that hard but with my constant B3 chinese grade at tests both in school and tuition, I was sure that even if I didn’t get a B3 grade, I would get B4. It was a rude shock to see that C5 staring back at me. I didn’t retake the exam in the end as my A Maths was in a more urgent state of saving.

Facing my SAT results was like seeing history repeat itself. Except, I don’t think I’m going to retake it. Twice is enough.

Disappointment 2
To find out that someone may not be as nice as he/she seems is a disappointment. To find out that that someone is your own relative is hurting.

That person is now living in my home. I don’t know how to face her. The feeling is numb. I know that everyone has that bit of selfishness in them to secure their place in this world. But using that bit of selfishness on your own family is kinda hurting.

I wish I didn’t have to look at you this way but sometimes your demands are too much and out of this world. It pains me to see my mummy being bullied. I hate to see daddy being torn between letting you have your way and agreeing to mummy in the first place.

Sad to say, the person is my grandma.

Disappointment 3
二姑 is not well – emotionally and physically. She hasn’t been since Uncle Ling passed away. Her brothers and sister are trying to get medical help for her. Anger and disappointment in each other.

Me being the “email archive”, I was disappointed to read that my uncle expects my cousin to be responsible for everything from now on. Sure, she has to take care of her mum now and she has to grow up a little faster than others but has it ever occurred to you that she is still young and has her own problems to face? It’s not about “she has to this and she has to that”. It’s about talking to her and understanding what she is facing as well. Let her enjoy her time as a youth.

I remember telling sensei (Kelvin) that time never healed wounds, it only gave us experience. However, I pray that God will ease the emotional pain.

Disappointment 4
I’m disappointed in a friend’s actions.