married life

Was inspired to write this entry after a comment on a friend’s wedding photos.

It’s always the same pattern of questions after someone gets married.

  1. How’s married life?
  2. When are you gonna have children?

I used to laugh when someone asked me the first question, simply because there is no difference after I got married and moved into our own home. We had stayed together for about three years in the States during our Undergraduate studies, that’s why. We know each other’s habits already.

Now, I am not encouraging co-habiting before marriage, but my point is I feel the question of how’s married life is valid.

So here’s one for the just-married or soon-to-be-married couples:

Life is not a bed of roses. Think back to the time when both of you were dating. You guys quarrelled didn’t you? Married life is no different. It is definitely not a “happily ever after” fairytale ending. You WILL quarrel…sometimes even over the smallest of things. This is especially so when you move into your own home. Some may wave this off saying that they have stayed over at each other’s places while dating so it should be no biggie. Trust me, it’s different. While you stayed at each other’s place, there was someone called “the mother” or “the maid” to help with household chores. There was someone to help wash your clothes or even the plate in the sink that you said you would wash “later”. Unless you are rich enough to hire a domestic helper right from the start or your parents are moving in with you, there will only be the two of you at your own place. Oh, but that’s where the fun starts.

Imagine both of you come back home after a long exhausting day of work and you see the trash from last night still sitting in the kitchen. All you have to do is throw it out. Simple isn’t it? Now, multiply that scenario a couple of times. Soon, that innocent bag of trash is going to be the topic of your quarrels. Don’t laugh. It happens and the topic might be anything, not just trash. Unlike a room mate where you can just decide not to stay with after a semester, you are stuck with your spouse for the rest of your life. You will see this person almost 24/7 (perhaps much to your irritation). You will see new habits of your spouse that you’ve never seen before, whether good or bad.

I am not trying to scare anyone. You just have to accept that this is part and parcel of married life. Think back again to the time when both of you were dating. You guys quarrelled but then you worked out the problems and finally got to where you are now, didn’t you? It’s the same after marriage. It may take some time and a ton of tears, but with lots of communication, problems will eventually get ironed out. You will also grow stronger as a couple over time.

Just remember that it’s no longer an “I” or “me” issue, but it’s a “we” and “our” issue. What do both of you want for your relationship and home?

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