english vs. mandarin

Just met up with Per and Pwen. Had dinner and a long chat. It actually feels good chatting with them…well, after work today. Simply coz I’m more comfortable conversing in English. At my workplace, Mandarin is the choice language spoken. Even the people who are bilingual, it seems they prefer conversing in Mandarin. Or it’s obvious that their Mandarin is better than their English.

I think my brain can’t switch from language to language fast enough or something coz I’ll be conversing in Mandarin and when I switch to English, it seems to come out all weird. Ends up like I’m blabbering some nonsense and a puzzled look will be painted on their faces. Then again, I don’t think I’m that good at conversations. Sometimes I can’t find the right words to express what I want to say.

Everytime I try to talk something in-depth in Mandarin with Aunty Hui Chuen, I feel I’m just going one whole round before coming to the point. In my mind, I know what I want to say in English but I have to tell my brain “Now, translate each sentence in Mandarin”. Although at the end of the day, however “horrible” the conversation ends up, she gets what I’m trying to say. But there are moments where I can see that she’s starting to get a little lost.

Speaking of work, I was doing a little more kitchen work today. I don’t know when they have become so confident that I can handle the setter’s job (making normal burgers). Omg…you can tell which burgers were made by me coz the wrapping is terrible. Rice burgers are much easier to wrap as they are generally less “bulky”. I can handle when there’s not many people. Hey, I’m s.l.o.w ok… I’m always amazed at how the aunties can do it so fast, so effortless. But I guess that’s from experience.

有时候,我觉得我越帮越忙。I think I’ve said this many times, please don’t hold so much confidence in me coz I don’t think I have that same level of confidence in myself. Without your confidence, when I fail it won’t feel so bad coz I’m only answerable to myself. If not, I’ll feel terrible, like I’ve let you down…

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