inner struggle?

I did it without expecting that I’ll do extremely great but why then do I feel a little disappointed now? People around me aren’t blaming me but yet I still feel a little miserable. Am I giving myself stress? Or am I just too relaxed that I deserve it? But then again, I’ll feel it’s unfair for someone to blame me.

I always say that it doesn’t matter what you get in the end, what matters is that you tried your best. But then again, is it wrong to feel miserable even after you’ve tried your best (or think you have) and still fail?

What do I want? What am I studying for?

I talked to Dad. Suddenly I felt that at the end of it all, the more I study, the more I feel I don’t know. Don’t know as in not unknowledgable but more like I realise I’m not competant enough in that certain field. Then what am I truly good at? Dad said I have to ask myself then what makes Elisia Phua, Elisia Phua? I thought about it for awhile and realised I couldn’t answer the question. Yea, what makes me, me?

20 years of my life and I don’t know myself at all. Sad case…

One thought on “inner struggle?

  1. i guess you can’t say you FOR SURE know what makes you you. some people won’t find out till much much later. i know what you mean about doing your best but feeling miserable. that’s how it was back in engine school. i did my best, hell, i studied like don’t know what. yet i still failed, badly, in fact. so i did the next best thing: quit (although, true, they kicked me out first. haha!)

    don’t worry boss. you’re not alone here…

    *hugs*

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