where do we go from now?

“Where do we go from now?”

Today will be the 4th day Sis is in hospital. I don’t know what or how to feel. But that’s how I am. Sis always said I am kinda unfeeling. I wonder if it’s true. I neither cry nor brood over such matters, even it’s bad news like someone has passed on. It’s like I have to cry but I can’t. My brain just goes “oh.” and then nothing more. To me, life has to go on whether we like it or not.

I thought about it. I thought about how Sis said she’s on the verge of giving up. For once, I seriously thought about what if Sis really went away. A sudden fear crept up. What would I do? No, I don’t want Sis to go. As much as we quarrel over small little things, I will always look up to her and love her.

How do you give someone hope when she feels life is meaningless? What are we actually living for?

I am ok. Perhaps this is the strength that God has given me. That I know how to pick myself up and move on. Please don’t ask me if I’m ok or whether I want to talk about it. Explaining is tiring. I will talk when I want to. I know I have quite a few silent readers including relatives. Please don’t start asking my parents about it or insist on visiting Sis. Leave her to heal by herself.

Perhaps the only thing you can do now is to pray for her.

2 thoughts on “where do we go from now?

  1. Now that she had receieved medical attention, we can at least be sure that she is in safer hands than leaving her to deal on her own. Though I am not an expert on medical issues or depression, I am definite that fighting depression is never the responsibility of the patient alone. I feel as a family, you need to get your family at least to help her get better (most likely all of you are already helping).

    In my own opinion, as Asians we usually inhibit the way we express our concerns and love. And it doesn’t mean that we are unfeeling or feeling indifferent towards our loved ones. I feel that it’s probably due to the exposure to asian cultures and the lack of expressing our feelings that causes an increased number of cases of depression (we know that it’s common now).

    That’s why I used to say that when we love someone, does it have to be material? Does it have to be the biggest diamond ring bought on her birthday presents or the bouquets of flowers that showed up miraculously in front of her that count? What happened to the hugs and kisses from parents to us (and vice versa)? What happened to the verbal expression of “I Love You”?

    The examples may be arguable because in Asian (or rather in Singapore), the frequent use of intimate expressions may sound hypocritical to some. But in my own opinion, it’s perhaps due to the lack of expressing that causes a disparity of relationships in our homes.

    I don’t know, but something like my sis has brought up today which I want to share. As my dad’s birthday is approaching, I asked her if she would want to chip in to buy something special for him. We ended up giving him a traditional red packet. I wanted to get him something special and unique which I described as “thoughful” or “from our hearts”. But she replied saying that, “preparing him a nice cup of warm coffee every morning” and “lessen his workload from household chores by helping out” may be the most “thoughtful” thing we could have done.

    I feel it’s true.

    And I feel that we should start appreciating small acts of kindness we have done for one another, not just family but for everyone. It’s always the little things that touched our hearts, don’t you agree? If we consistently find ways to express our loved ones and start appreciating wonderful things that happened to us (instead of ranting and complaining, whom I think is difficult not to :p), then wouldn’t it be another thing to look forward in life?

    It’s not about ourselves that we lived. (Not to worry, not starting into a religious sermon). But we lived for others too eh? We knew that we will end up dead one day, but it’s the events that make our days, don’t they?

    Not asking for a reply or a reflection. Just prayed that your sis will find direction in her life soon and that her depression gets better. Take care and send her my regards.

  2. Oh yea, forgive me on the grammatical errors, or anything that sound incoherent. Probably committed them because I’m rushing through my entry. 🙂

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