it cuts deep

As she shared with us that very little bit on what was going on and how she felt, I couldn’t help but feel sorry and angry at the same time. No one should have to go through this sort of thing.

Thinking back about the past. I’m sorry, I cannot erase it from my mind totally. Simply coz of the hurt and disappointment I felt. I cannot understand why people choose to believe a one-sided story and then ostracise someone else. It’s really disappointing to find out that the same people you call friends would do this kinda thing to you. When I say ostracise here, it doesn’t have to mean to totally keep clear from someone. But simply the strange feeling they give you when you’re with them. Like on the surface they talk to you, but probably deep down they think otherwise. It’s like mental vibes to tell you your presence is not wanted.

She is going through exactly the same thing now.

It’s shocking. It really teaches you not to trust people that easily. But is it wrong to try to believe that everyone has that bit of goodness in them? Is it wrong to show the real, genuine you only to become vulnerable to such attacks that you never saw coming? You may think it’s nothing coz as time passes, we may talk again like as if it’s forgotten. But let me tell you, it cuts deep.

trying to adjust

Come home, supposed to adjust back my sleeping time. Couldn’t. Was running around shopping for last minute presents. Running off to birthday chalets. Only left me more exhausted than ever. Finally found the time today to actually sleep in and get my internal clock back on track.

Grandparents from Malaysia have come down to stay with us coz grandma’s health problems need to be addressed. Her doctor in Malaysia sounds like bad news to me and my relatives in Malaysia haven’t got the time out of their busy schedules to tend to her. Mum took her to the same eye doctor my family members go to.

Anyway, with my grandparents here, it also means less computer time. So, photos won’t be up till later when I get round to it.

I have a million things to do.
1. Photos to be uploaded.
2. Desktop to be cleared.
3. Hard drive to be cleared coz it is running out of space and the stupid warning keeps popping up.
4. Emails to be answered. Especially tcg trade requests all thrown under pending.
5. Pile of stuff to be sorted in my room.
6. Register for SAT and prepare for it.
7. Look through the papers I collected and seriously consider about school.
8. My dress needs to be altered.

Randomness…
1. I’m in love with long and knee-high socks.
2. I’m looking for another pair of denim shorts.
3. Make-up gives some colour to my face so I look better in photos.

my bags have come home

My bags got delivered today. Almost missed the guy coz I went out to town to buy some stuff. While on the mrt, he called to say he was outside my house. Luckily he was nice enough to wait for me.

Happy to see my bags and goodies. And my precious lipbalm, especially at a time when my lips are all dry and crackly. 🙂

Tired. My sleeping time has gone haywire. Trying to adjust back but have a million things to do so everything gets disrupted. Kinda frustrated actually… :sleep:

お誕生日おめでとう Red Ranger.

left behind bags

I called up the airport to get news about my bags. They were left behind in Chicago. As what I guessed, didn’t get tagged on although they were supposed to be. Anyway, they are on flight UA895 and on the way home. I’m not sure which one but I hope it’s the one that’s landed already at 11+pm so I can get them in the morning.

I WANT MY BAGS WITH MY GOODIES AND TOILETRIES~~~ 😥

We bought a (useless) step-down transformer for the takoyaki machine. Almost burnt out the transformer, luckily we got our next-door neighbour’s help and managed to save it. WTF sia…wasted 68 bucks on a stupid thing and no takoyaki in the end. Probably have to throw away the batter which means half a packet of flour wasted and eat up the prawns either as cup noodle ingredients or fried with mixed veggies. Whatever lahz… :glare:

good to be home

I’m home now. But the worst thing happened. I don’t know where my checked-in luggage ended up. It was supposed to be tagged on to each flight so I wouldn’t have to recheck-in and would just pick them up in Singapore. The airport staff was nice though. She helped me make a report and well, we’ll just have to wait. Tough part is that all the goodies are in the checked-in luggage. 🙁

My lips are awfully red and dry. Haha…I have natural lipstick! Have to keep licking my lips now. My lipbalms are in the checked-in luggage. *sigh* I hate the air in the plane. I always (for some reason) try to keep my requests for water at a minimum coz I don’t want to keep disturbing people by excusing myself in and out to the loo. Thus, I have to suffer later. 🙁

It’s good to be at home. I was almost dying of boredom in the plane. Then lugging my really heavy hand-carry around in Narita airport before catching my connecting flight. I managed to find the magazines I wanted. Can’t say the same for the single/dvd I wanted. I can’t imagine myself sitting through the long plane ride again…

I’m not sure if this is the definition of jet-lag but I don’t feel tired now. So I’m doing all the little things I can. Like upgrading my version of WordPress. And I did like the stupidest thing. I deleted the config file. Worse part is that the database password is randomly generated coz I used Fantastico to install WordPress. So I was panicking all the way until something connected up there and I had the most brilliant idea. Anyhow, the problem is solved else I wouldn’t be blogging already.

The bug in the comments has been resolved. Whoopee!

coming home soon

I wrote this long entry yesterday but the laptop decided to hang just as I wanted to post it. So, damn…it’s gone. I’m not about to retype it though.

It’s my last day in Champaign, Illinois. Will be doing my last minute shopping of candy and more clothes? Haha. Then tonight will be grand squeezing time. Squeeze everything into my luggage.

I will miss my new friends here. Man Ling, I will miss you loads just as much as you miss me. It was cool finding a friend here especially since I don’t know anyone around here except for my relatives. Accompanying each other during that one week, going to classes. Your Rhetoric class was fun though I didn’t really participate much. Calculus was kinda fun with the professor always grumbling about the automatic blackboards. 110 was ok, although I can’t remember half the stuff taught but at least Professor Loui didn’t make me feel like falling asleep. Haha, I will always remember the Samuel L. Jackson circuit. 190 was ok as well. Bad thing I couldn’t really remember the stuff and was getting kinda lost with the way it was taught. Then, the last part where you and your lab partner was building the little motor boat. The excitement when the thing finally worked. Haha, won’t forget that moment. Alrighty, here’s wishing you all the best with your studies. Hope you don’t get too stressed out with exams and stuff coz I seriously think you can do it. 🙂

To Zhi Xiu, Daniel, Wei Hong and the rest of the SSA members, thanks for letting me gatecrash on your little party (Pot-b-que)? It was fun knowing you guys and getting myself reassured that if I decide to study in UIUC, I won’t be alone coz there will be a bunch of Singaporeans around. Haha…it was also fun hanging around the food fest. Zhi Xiu, your (one spoon of) chicken rice was good. So was the Milo Dinosaur. Haha…

The little bug in the WordPress comments is well…bugging me. Everytime I edit a comment, any apostrophed word will end up having a slash in front. I’m hoping that the bug is resolved in the new version update. Going to update my version once I get home. Woohoo.

the non-academic bit

And here comes the not-so-academic part…

With all the school visiting more or less done, I can spend more time on other things like sightseeing and shopping. Not to mention nursing that nasty cough of mine. Yea, caught the flu bug from my cousin, Ethan.

I got a good deal from the clothes I bought. Basically coz the shops are getting rid of their summer stock and bringing in the fall clothing. Their summer clothing is most suitable for Singapore’s weather. Plus, I shopped on their Labor Day and there’s a thing called Labor Day sale.

I was able to find tees among the clearance stuff of Hollister and Aeropostale. It is heaven here for Singaporeans who love American brands like Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, American Eagle, Aeropostale – brands that you can’t really find back in Singapore. And no, I’m not taking orders this time. Simply coz the last trip when I took orders, my luggage weighed 18kg and I had trouble moving it around. Good thing was that my family members were around to help out. This time, I’m alone. I wouldn’t want a super heavy bag to squash me flat. Haha, you can put in requests only if you’re a family member. So be very jealous now if you don’t fall under that category. *evil laughter*

I was a little annoyed about finding jeans though. Being small and short, the junior jeans are too long. I can fit into kid sized jeans but no thank you to my hips, I am now classified as an in-between. Kid size 14 is fine on the thighs and legs but not ok at the hips and waist. Kid size 16 is fine on the hips and waist but kinda baggy at the legs. There was this pair of kids Levis jeans that I loved but coz of the problem above I couldn’t get it. ARGH!

It’s a wonder I get through everyday without make-up. I brought almost the whole collection of my make-up but I haven’t used anything. Here, people seem to be more relaxed about how they look. So I can walk in the streets without make-up and don’t feel like I just came from Mars. Anyway, I bought a ton of Maybelline stuff for Sis and a tube of pink lipgloss for myself. One more to the 2 tubes I already have. But I swear by it coz it gives both colour and shine. The lazy person’s way of lipcolour.

I was also looking at the whole range of Smackers lipbalms and lipglosses in Target. So tempted to get some but I’m not too sure whether they’ll agree with my skin. And why would I need more sticks of lipbalm? I don’t eat lipbalm ok. Lipgloss? Well, already have 3 tubes now… But they have like some really amazing flavours. Like the one I bought for Sis, A&W Root Beer flavoured. Then there are Skittles flavoured, M&M’s flavoured, Starburst flavoured, Jell-O flavoured…cool huh.

Yesterday, aunty took me to see the Amish homes. It’s fascinating to see how people can live without letting modern technology be part of their lives. I will talk more about these people when I get back home and start posting up the photos.

Today, went to Spurlock Musuem but couldn’t really finish looking at all the exhibits. Wasn’t feeling too comfortable…psst…ribena falls. :glare: So I guess we’ll go back there another day.

Oh and finally I get round to the birthday greetings. Uchi’s on the 10th and Yasu’s on the 11th. お誕生日おめでとう貴くんとヤス!!! Pink ranger, we await your return to K8. Hope you are doing well and that darn geezer Kitagawa will let you come back. It’s been too damn long. Blue ranger, hope you haven’t been bullied too much lately. :laugh: Ah, I would have shared some pink and blue ranger birthday cake with Per and Sis if I was back at home. Anyway, I hope the rest of K8 had a nice celebration for both of you.

お誕生日おめでとう愛ちゃん! (The girl that’s featured in v13’s banner.) May you get prettier each day. 🙂

the academic bit

Almost 3 weeks in the States. Not that I don’t have internet connection but I have been rather lazy to blog. Haha…there are just too many things to do. Daytime, aunty wants to take me around to schools and stuff. So most of the time I’m left with night time. Of which, I’m trying to divide my time to use the net and work on my cross stitch. I haven’t even begun reading the book I brought along!!!

Alrighty, so I completed last last week following Man Ling around to her classes. There’s this course that she takes – Introduction to Computer Systems which is pretty much Computing Mathematics which I took in year 1 of Poly. Binary numbers and stuff. The way it’s taught is so different. Gawd, I don’t remember it being so hard to digest! Was sitting in the lecture feeling all lost even though I’ve learnt those stuff before. Oh another thing, I sort of forget stuff quite easily so I can’t quite recall all the formulas and all. It all looks familiar and that’s it. Anyway, Man Ling was having difficulty with that subject and I wished I was back home so I could lend her my poly notes. Would make life so much easier for her. Darn.

Next week was spent moving around looking at other schools. Let’s have a breakdown of what I think of the schools I’ve visited so far…

1. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
Public university. Freakin’ huge school. Good points: Lots of company around. Fellow Singaporeans and people very much like me around. So many student organisations that I don’t think I’ll have any trouble finding one I like. Even though I haven’t seen the whole list of organisations, I’m sure there’s a Japanese cultural group of some sort around. The university closest to my relatives. Bad points: Lectures are a rather huge group so there’s not much of a one-to-one communication with your professor. Got to be super independant to survive.

2. DePaul University
A Catholic university located in Chicago. Yea…the city. Private university. Good points: For 12 years of my school life (kindergarten-secondary) I’ve been in Catholic schools. I pretty much like the order they have. People seem to be much kinder as well coz there is a focus on sharing with one another. People are more forgiving. Well, that could be my perception… The university has nice halls which resemble the inside of a church. Uncle Weng thinks this school is cosy. Hehe…Mum is going to love this university once she hears it’s a Catholic school. Bad points: Since it’s a private university, tuition is going to be more expensive.

3. Loyola University Chicago
Another private university. Jesuit Catholic school. I don’t really get that cosy feeling from this school. Maybe coz we went there on Labor Day weekend and students weren’t around. Good points: It’s next to Michigan Lake which looks like an ocean. Haha. Bad points: No cosy feeling?

4. Millikin University
Private university again. Located in Decatur. Aunty told me Sis loved this school the last time she visited. Got to talk to a Computer Science professor, very funny guy. Could see that he really loved what he was doing. Gave me a good overview of Computer Science. I sort of knew what Computer Science was – more on the programming part which I sort of hate. So I’m not too keen on Computer Science but well, I’ll keep my options open for now. Good points: Has that one-to-one communication with your professor. I guess that’s some kind of motivation for students who need a little push to move along. Bad points: Smaller school = less students of my kind? Less or no other Singaporeans around.

5. Indiana State University
Located in Terra-Haute. The student who gave us a tour of the school gave a nice overview of the school. Good points: Buildings are all connected to one another which means you won’t have to go out in the cold in winter. Smaller university so has more of a one-to-one communication with professors. That’s something like Millikin. Bad points: Away from relatives?

6. Parkland College
A 2-year community college. Something like our JC? That’s what the States is so good. People are given chances. So if you don’t quite make the grade for the university of your choice, you can always go to a community college and then transfer to the university. Credits are also transferred so you don’t have to worry about 6 years of education. I was really lucky to have met the International Academic Advisor, Erin. She really inspired me. And since she was around my age, it was easier to relate to her. Now I sort of understand what Dad has been saying all along. Go out and experience things, never know when you’ll love something or not. Good points: Transition to the university of your choice is slightly easier. You’re given a chance even though you don’t quite make the grade. Bad points: Didn’t really like the environment. If I’m not careful, I might end up with the wrong company and not take things seriously.

Collected a number of brochures and even application forms. Will need to really look through everything and decide when I get back home. Right now am more favourable of UIUC, DePaul and Millikin. Also will be resitting for SAT to get a better score. Although my current score is ok to apply for schools but I think I want to get a better score so to have higher chance of getting accepted to those schools I apply to.

I like the flexibility here. Back home, it’s like do or die. You’re “forced” to choose something and either you stick to it or drop out. Here, I can enter university as a freshman with an undeclared major if I haven’t really made up my mind on what to major in. I take some general subjects in the first year and by Junior year, I should decide on my major. Even if I declare my major as a freshman, I can also switch majors if I sort of decide on something else. They say that most freshmen switch majors at least 3-4 times. Not that I really want to do that but it’s not something unheard of.

People are given chances if they really want to learn. Like I talked about community colleges earlier. Back home, it’s either you make the grade or not. And it’s not about which college or university you’ve been. As the academic advisor in Millikin said, when employers look at your resume, they are not going to bother about which education path you chose but what you learnt and what you can offer the company. Hopefully that’s the same with companies in Singapore.

Next entry will talk about non-academic stuff…see you!