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Elisiahttps://www.realistic-soul.net

dying a slow death

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I feel like I’m dying very very slowly. I’m sliding very very slowly… I’m losing my grip…

Mid-terms are a week away. I dare not think of the outcome. I wonder why I have to study twice as hard to get that grade when everyone seems to be sailing past effortlessly. Why do I ALWAYS have to be surrounded by smart asses? Why am I ALWAYS attracted to smart asses?

And I still don’t know how to tackle the 3rd Rhet essay…

Some random things: 

Doing laundry makes me happy. I love the warm, fuzzy feeling my clothes give me when I smell them. It gives me this comfort that feels like I’m home. I love watching my clothes getting tossed round and round in the dryer.

I hate waking up from a dream, thinking I’m at home and the sudden realisation that hits me that I’m not. Then, I just stare into space for a good 10 minutes. Per, now I understand the joy you had in staring into space back in Secondary school. For a moment, just a moment, the world seems to stop…

i wanna scream

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“I hate myself and I want to die.” – from Elizabeth Wurtzel’s ‘Prozac Nation’

好气我自己，好讨厌我自己，什么事都做不好。

我好像放了人家的飞机。Jayce asked for help with the banner today. Although I didn’t outright agree, but I think I sort of gave people the hope that I would turn up. I found that I have things to do like catching up on Econs, thinking about what to write for the next Rhet essay, and working on the Astronomy report that’s due tomorrow, so I decided not to go help.

I was so tired this morning that after lunch, I decided to take a nap. I slept too soundly that I missed Psychology lecture. I woke up with a start at 2.28pm. If the class is at Foellinger, I don’t mind being late since I’ll probably be only 5 minutes late. But, I need at least 15-20 minutes to get to Wohlers.

I should have done this a little earlier today after Liz advised me last night to check with the desk clerks about putting up the posters in the dorm. Desk clerks told me I had to get them approved at Clark Hall – the administration building for dorms. Missed the bus so I just walked all the way. By the way, Clark Hall is just past the Armory which is just past Wohlers. Got there just in time to be told that all staff have knocked off work. I just missed them by a few minutes. Damnit.

Walked all the way back with the STUPID sun shining on me. I can’t understand why the damn weather is like that. Half the time it’s so cold, half the time it’s so blardee hot. Nabeh. Want to be hot then be hot all the way. Want to be cold then be cold all the way. Not cold morning then hot afternoon/evening. I HATE putting on and taking off my sweater all the time ok!!!

I think the only consolation I have from this crappy day is the A- I got on the second Rhet essay.

Ya, whatever.

chotto sabishii

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I finally got to go to the night-time observation after 2 cancelled dates coz of the weather. It was a little disappointing though. Maybe I had too high an expectation. I expected to see Jupiter really close-up but all I saw was a dot with 3 smaller dots in a row next to it. The 3 smaller dots are Jupiter’s moons. The moon wasn’t a disappointment though. It was nice, big, and full as it was 中秋节。I got to see the dark spots, Maria, and craters a little clearer. As for the star cluster, I spent too much time at the smaller telescopes that by the time I got to the big telescope, the clouds had moved in. So, I went back the next day. Another little disappointment. The star cluster wasn’t super bright. Kinda faint. A fact for everyone: Contrary to popular belief, Polaris (the North Star) is not the brightest star.

This is probably my second time saying this but…God, where’s my boyfriend who drives? I walked all the way back to my dorm from the Assembly Hall after the Weird Al Yankovic show. I couldn’t see a bus stop and I didn’t want to be left alone at that place so I just walked. I think if anything at all, I wasn’t afraid that I would be assaulted but more afraid that I’ll get lost and there’s no one around to help me. The whole time I was telling myself not to get lost or I’ll cry. I had the bus guide in hand but not all the roads are clearly marked out, only the main ones. Guess what I did? I used the moon to guide me. Don’t laugh ok. I remembered from the night-time observation which direction the moon was in relation to where my dorm was. So as long as I follow that same direction, it would lead me towards my dorm.

天下大乱。本来安慰我的人，现在反而变成我安慰他。*sigh* Kang Jie somehow reminds me of sensei. Maybe it’s coz he listens to what I have to say and doesn’t judge. 哎哟，好丢脸。还要一个年级比我小的人来安慰。Rhetoric seems to be a pain to everyone. *sigh*

This week has been a rather hectic one. From completing assignments, studying for an exam, Psychology studies, to running around helping friends. I haven’t gotten enough sleep. I completely nod off one Astronomy lecture. Not good. Moreover, I missed a grade by 2 marks for my Psychology exam, earning me a C. Super not good. However, I also did last minute studying so if anything at all, I’m the one to blame. On the brighter side, I hope my second Rhetoric essay will earn me a better grade. I put more effort into it this round. I need to buck up. Elisia will keep trying to do better!!! *nods*

At times I feel a little lonely…

it’s a cloudy day?

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[edited @8.25pm]

The post made after this is password protected due to certain views which I think will not be too safe to be made public. Friends who want to read it, please email me for the password. Thanks.

[edited] 

The night-time observation session got cancelled due to cloudy weather. I scrambled to sign up for next Tuesday’s session. I really hope that next Tuesday’s session wouldn’t be cancelled. There are other sessions after that but next Tuesday is the last day to be able to observe Jupiter.

Blah…this sucks.

I checked out the laundry area. All the washing machines and dryers are working hard coz everyone’s making use of the free laundry day. :laugh: I will do my laundry at midnight I guess. Should have less people by then. 

My fringe is getting long; need to cut it.

recent happenings…

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Went for the J-Net Fashion Show meeting. I signed up to be in the yukata and modern fashion segment.  Hmmmm…makes me feel I should have brought my lolita dress and yukata over. Anyway, I bought a top and rocking shoes from a online seller, Jennifer recommended. Jennifer is the girl who’s in JAC and J-Net and is always dressed in lolita fashion. She sews her own dresses and comes up with the patterns herself. すごいね… I’m waiting for the items to arrive…so exciting…

Tomorrow is supposed to be free laundry day. I shall be kiasu and make full use of the washing machines and dryers since it’s going to be free~~~

Waiting for 9pm to arrive so I can get my fix of apples at the late night. Recently, I don’t feel hungry in the evening so I skip dinner. Ya, maybe I can go on an apple diet. But there are times when I can’t resist food too, so I check out what the dining hall is serving for lunch and dinner and decide which one I should go for. Anyway, I won’t starve to death coz I have a stash of food in my room. Hehehe…