scholars and their fuckin’ predictable grades

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Oh yea, my evil shadow is coming out to play. 3 words: very sarcastic bitch. Instead of congratulating a friend on his good results, I just shoved a “ok…shuddup” in his face. Really…scholars are fuckin’ predictable when it comes to grades. It won’t be anywhere below 90. I’m so going to get whacked by the Singaporean student population here for saying that.

It just makes my 79.5 seem so lousy. I was beginning to accept that. I was swinging on my swing, but someone (a scholar) had to come push me off my happy swing. So how? I’m gonna bite back.

I’m being such a bitch about it. *slaps myself*

i have my days

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“I don’t look like her, but I’m glad as hell I am who I am.” – Olivia’s “Dress Me Up”

I have my days when I’m feeling awfully high, probably coz someone mentioned “Massu” in my face or I’m fangirling online with Sis or Per. *sigh* Nobody here fangirls like I do. Huimin said to go introduce JE to some people. Hahaha…the only consolation I have is Chun Ming recently said if only a pub/club played entirely J-Pop songs. Ya, I wish. I wanna go to ktv~~~ Maybe I’ll ask Kaoru sometime.

I have my days when I go into my alter ego mood. I become this very sarcastic bitch. I feel like being mean and biting everyone’s head off. Those are the days when my evil shadow takes over and wrecks havoc.

I have my days when I’m feeling gloomy. I feel like I’m falling through a black hole. Darkness consumes me.

I have my days when I’m feeling emo. Listening to Olivia sing brings much comfort. Things like “Internal Bleeding Strawberry” = a morbid kind of comfort. I feel like I don’t have to care about what people think or how I feel about someone. I feel free. I feel me.

“I am special. I am beautiful. I am wonderful and powerful, unstoppable. Sometimes I’m miserable. Sometimes I’m pitiful. But that’s just typical of all the things I am.” – Hilary Duff’s “I am”

PS: I need to find time to work on a new blog layout. This one’s stale.

what should i do?

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Can I be わがまま for once? If it gets me the company I am looking for, I should be わがまま。But isn’t that way too selfish? The people accompanying me will feel forced and unhappy and I cannot live with the knowledge that I did that to people. でもね…if I don’t be わがまま, I am going to have to do things alone. It’s not like being alone is that bad, but sometimes you just want a little company…

如何しょかな?

brrrr cold

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It’s going to be freakin’ cold from now on… *sobz*

Click here to see the weather forecast…

When is my dorm going to on the heater for the rooms? It’s fuckin’ cold lorz.

Just when I start complaining and making hell a lot of noise about the air-con/heater in my room, I on it and OH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! THE HEATER’S FINALLY ON! *dances around*

lives are torn

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“I want to be your dream catcher…” – from OLIVIA’s ‘Dream Catcher’

Yesterday night, I was reading the essay from my textbook to prepare for my Rhet research paper. I have decided to go with the class chosen topic of Global Issues and have chosen to focus on slavery in India. Halfway through the essay, I was already feeling sick. Not sick as in physically sick, but more like I was filled with dread and sadness. Although the essay was written in the 1800s, we all know that slavery still exists in the world. Families, coz of poverty, have to sell off their children to become labourers or prostitutes. It’s so sick to see a photo of an 11-year-old pregnant girl. WTF. I hope the guy who impregnated her, rots in hell manz. These children probably don’t even know what sex is and already their lives are being torn like that. 🙁

It pains me. How can people even do that to other people? Some are even regular church-goers. What happened to “do unto others what you want others to do unto you” or “we are all created in God’s image?” Hypocrites. God gave us life which we should love and treasure, but instead these people (the slaves) are wishing everyday to die. It’s so so sad. 🙁

Mum told me to thank God everyday that I’m alive. Yes, I’m too blessed. Too sheltered, too blessed that sometimes I feel guilty about it.

i am friends with you because…

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I don’t understand how people can make friends with some ulterior motive. It really makes the saying “that’s what friends are for” seem like a lie. It’s so disappointing to find out people aren’t really what they seem to be. Befriending you for some purpose like boosting their own grades, then dropping you like a hot potato when they find out you aren’t of use to them. How can friendship be used to compare something like that?

Isn’t it tiring to assess people like that? It’s like doing a full profile scan to find out if someone is worth your time or not. That’s so sad.

It is precisely why I was so afraid to mix with my own fellow countrymen. Almost all of them are scholars. Compared to them, I’m nothing. I don’t ace anything. I don’t come from some prestigious school. I don’t drink or club. To make things worse, I’m always afraid people will say stuff like I got into the school coz of my uncle. I did not. Of course, I’m not saying that everyone is like that but it pains me to find out some people are like that.

I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I help people because I want to, not because I expect something big in return.

This talk makes me miss 7ners a lot more. The friends who truly love me for who I really am… I :heart: you!

I have a new love! Soymilk = my new love :heart: CHU!

dying a slow death

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I feel like I’m dying very very slowly. I’m sliding very very slowly… I’m losing my grip…

Mid-terms are a week away. I dare not think of the outcome. I wonder why I have to study twice as hard to get that grade when everyone seems to be sailing past effortlessly. Why do I ALWAYS have to be surrounded by smart asses? Why am I ALWAYS attracted to smart asses?

And I still don’t know how to tackle the 3rd Rhet essay…

Some random things: 

Doing laundry makes me happy. I love the warm, fuzzy feeling my clothes give me when I smell them. It gives me this comfort that feels like I’m home. I love watching my clothes getting tossed round and round in the dryer.

I hate waking up from a dream, thinking I’m at home and the sudden realisation that hits me that I’m not. Then, I just stare into space for a good 10 minutes. Per, now I understand the joy you had in staring into space back in Secondary school. For a moment, just a moment, the world seems to stop…

i wanna scream

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“I hate myself and I want to die.” – from Elizabeth Wurtzel’s ‘Prozac Nation’

好气我自己，好讨厌我自己，什么事都做不好。

我好像放了人家的飞机。Jayce asked for help with the banner today. Although I didn’t outright agree, but I think I sort of gave people the hope that I would turn up. I found that I have things to do like catching up on Econs, thinking about what to write for the next Rhet essay, and working on the Astronomy report that’s due tomorrow, so I decided not to go help.

I was so tired this morning that after lunch, I decided to take a nap. I slept too soundly that I missed Psychology lecture. I woke up with a start at 2.28pm. If the class is at Foellinger, I don’t mind being late since I’ll probably be only 5 minutes late. But, I need at least 15-20 minutes to get to Wohlers.

I should have done this a little earlier today after Liz advised me last night to check with the desk clerks about putting up the posters in the dorm. Desk clerks told me I had to get them approved at Clark Hall – the administration building for dorms. Missed the bus so I just walked all the way. By the way, Clark Hall is just past the Armory which is just past Wohlers. Got there just in time to be told that all staff have knocked off work. I just missed them by a few minutes. Damnit.

Walked all the way back with the STUPID sun shining on me. I can’t understand why the damn weather is like that. Half the time it’s so cold, half the time it’s so blardee hot. Nabeh. Want to be hot then be hot all the way. Want to be cold then be cold all the way. Not cold morning then hot afternoon/evening. I HATE putting on and taking off my sweater all the time ok!!!

I think the only consolation I have from this crappy day is the A- I got on the second Rhet essay.

Ya, whatever.