Inspired to write this entry rant after I saw a friend’s post on Facebook about a guy who met up with all his Facebook friends and took a photo of each meet up…or so I think. (I admit that I didn’t read the article. Was judging by the title of the article.)

Talk about friends and meet ups. I wonder if all my friends would turn up if I asked them out. I seriously doubt it. I’ve seen people come and go. I’ve even given up on some of them. I’m resigned to the fact that some people are just meant to be acquaintances.

I do not mind that people occasionally say hello or want to catch up, but I really hate it when people approach me out of the blue to:

• Ask of me a favour and then proceed to ignore me after getting an answer.
• Talk to me because they are bored…then proceed to ignore me until the next time they can’t find someone else to talk to.

I do only frequently chat with a couple of people, which makes it all the more obvious when such people of the above scenarios approach me.

To prove my point, here are two scenarios that happened to me:

Scenario #1
This happened quite a long time ago when I still using MSN (an IM tool). I’m not using the exact words as I don’t really remember but it went something like this.

S: Hello.
Me: Hello. Yes, what do you want?
S: Why?
Me: You’re bored right? People who suddenly talk to me are either very bored or they want something from me.
S: Wah…don’t say until like that leh.

(I was obviously spot on in my guess.)

Scenario #2
This happened pretty recently on Facebook Messenger.

B: Hi. Do you know anyone from XX company? I am thinking of doing this event which requires approval for use of the XX venue.

(My parents used to work at XX company.)

Me: Meh…can ask my mum but my parents have retired from XX company for some time so not sure they can help. Do you have any contact from XX company?

(Conversation continues on for some time…)

B: I still remember the last time we met at XX venue.
Me: Haha…we should meet up…again.
B: Sure.

(Conversation continues on for some time…)

Me: Let me know when you’re free for lunch or dinner ok?

A few days later, I text B.

Me: 大老板，几时有空吃饭？(Big boss, when are you free to have a meal?)
B: Hi. Sorry…I’m not well these few days.
Me: Orh. Take care!

About a month later I text B again…

Me: 老板，when wanna meet up?

*silence*

I’m not saying that people should not approach me at all even after we haven’t talked in a long while or that people cannot ask me for help, but please do things with sincerity. I’m fully aware that I’m an introvert and am not the most sociable person to begin with. However, that does not mean that I don’t enjoy catching up with folks. If you really mean to catch up with me, then do so with sincerity and not leave me hanging high and dry until the next time you need my help.

I’ve decided to slowly archive my blog entries from 2004-2005. I have them on Notepad, so I’m really just transferring them here.

I laugh at my style of writing then. My blog was pretty much an account of the day-to-day happenings. But it’s the details that bring back great memories…the good and the bad.

About the bad, there are just some things that never got resolved. It still hurts me till today. As much as I tell myself to “let it go”, I don’t think I ever will properly do so…because it does not just involve me.

My friends were sharing this story on Facebook and when I read it, I knew I had to share it too.

Columbia Spectator
TIME Magazine

You can also learn of Emma’s story and her project from this video:

I think Emma is very brave to share about her traumatic experience using such a method. I agree with her that our bedroom/bed is our comfort zone and should be the safest place. I admire her guts to display her mattress. It’s like laying yourself bare for the whole world to see. I also hope that the people who chose to look the other way when she reached out to them for help, would reflect on their actions.

Her story got me thinking about what schools did when students report of rape. In particular, what would my college, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign do?

I remember in my freshman year, students had to attend a compulsory discussion group where we talked about sexual assault on campus and the hotline to call. I also remember that there was this male student in my discussion group who was being a total asshole. If I remember correctly, our student facilitors had posed us the question of what we would do if a female friend came to us for help and said she had been raped. This male student kept suggesting that the female friend might be lying or might have dressed provocatively and hence it was her fault that she got raped. The student facilitators tried very hard to steer the discussion back to the main issue of what should be done instead of who we should be dishing out blame to, but the male student was adamant on his view. He finally walked out of the classroom much to everyone’s relief.

We as humans are quick to judge. Yes, the female friend might have dressed provocatively but that does not mean she asked to be raped. If she had asked, that would be called “consensual sex” and not “rape”. Please know the difference. I am not saying that girls should prance around in their underwear on the streets, but her dressing should not be the main reason that guys use their dick and not their brains to think. Likewise, girls, please consider your dressing, audience, and environment, and think about the consequences before you make a decision to wear something.

Was inspired to write this entry after a comment on a friend’s wedding photos.

It’s always the same pattern of questions after someone gets married.

1. How’s married life?
2. When are you gonna have children?

I used to laugh when someone asked me the first question, simply because there is no difference after I got married and moved into our own home. We had stayed together for about three years in the States during our Undergraduate studies, that’s why. We know each other’s habits already.

Now, I am not encouraging co-habiting before marriage, but my point is I feel the question of how’s married life is valid.

So here’s one for the just-married or soon-to-be-married couples:

Life is not a bed of roses. Think back to the time when both of you were dating. You guys quarrelled didn’t you? Married life is no different. It is definitely not a “happily ever after” fairytale ending. You WILL quarrel…sometimes even over the smallest of things. This is especially so when you move into your own home. Some may wave this off saying that they have stayed over at each other’s places while dating so it should be no biggie. Trust me, it’s different. While you stayed at each other’s place, there was someone called “the mother” or “the maid” to help with household chores. There was someone to help wash your clothes or even the plate in the sink that you said you would wash “later”. Unless you are rich enough to hire a domestic helper right from the start or your parents are moving in with you, there will only be the two of you at your own place. Oh, but that’s where the fun starts.

Imagine both of you come back home after a long exhausting day of work and you see the trash from last night still sitting in the kitchen. All you have to do is throw it out. Simple isn’t it? Now, multiply that scenario a couple of times. Soon, that innocent bag of trash is going to be the topic of your quarrels. Don’t laugh. It happens and the topic might be anything, not just trash. Unlike a room mate where you can just decide not to stay with after a semester, you are stuck with your spouse for the rest of your life. You will see this person almost 24/7 (perhaps much to your irritation). You will see new habits of your spouse that you’ve never seen before, whether good or bad.

I am not trying to scare anyone. You just have to accept that this is part and parcel of married life. Think back again to the time when both of you were dating. You guys quarrelled but then you worked out the problems and finally got to where you are now, didn’t you? It’s the same after marriage. It may take some time and a ton of tears, but with lots of communication, problems will eventually get ironed out. You will also grow stronger as a couple over time.

Just remember that it’s no longer an “I” or “me” issue, but it’s a “we” and “our” issue. What do both of you want for your relationship and home?

I was happily catching up on my anime when I took a break and switched over to the Facebook tab. That’s when I saw this…this disgusting piece of news and now I cannot sit still without giving my two cents’ worth. *fumes*

I studied Advertising, but even without that knowledge, I know for sure NOT to compare these two entirely different things. For sure, a child does not need SAVING because he/she does not get “good enough” grades. There may be a lot of reasons for not doing well. And anyway, what is “good enough grades” these days? In my time, kids were sent to tuition only if they were close to failing and/or their parents could not give them the help they needed in a subject. I was sent for Mandarin tuition because my parents do not speak the language and I was a little weak in the language because of that reason. And thanks to that, I also hated studying the language for a long time…but that’s a story for another time.

I am perfectly aware that before we criticise the advertiser, we should examine the motives behind putting up such an advertisement. Should the “blame” be shouldered by others as well? For example, parents? My facial therapist once told me that she is considering sending her daughter for tuition because her daughter is not doing well in Math. She commented that these days Singaporean parents send their kids for more than one tuition class for the same subject and that scoring 80 marks is not even acceptable. Heck, we even see parents sending their two-year-olds to school for booster classes for “a headstart in life”. Like WHAT THE HELL. I don’t even remember anything when I was two. (My dad says I was kidnapped by an alien so my memories begin only when I was four. Haha.) I think this crazy behaviour is fuelling tuition centres to pop up like mushrooms sprouting on a log (erm…ok, bad analogy, but you get what I mean.) But isn’t it true? Where there’s a demand, people will jump on the chance to supply.

Then there’s the usual argument of whether we are breeding elitism in Singapore. These days all I hear are parents trying to “fight” for a spot in a “good school” for their kids. So much that schools start to have volunteer programmes for parents and even grandparents to “redeem” a spot in the school for their kids. I don’t believe in this bullshit (and yes, I am horrified to learn that some of my close friends subscribe to this…their choice I guess). While there are schools that obviously cater for advanced learners or just simply the smarter kids, any other school (whether neighbourhood or not) is the same. The only difference should be the method of teaching. THAT is what matters because each kid learns differently. At this point, I’ll like to warn people that before you start wagging your finger and saying that I don’t have a kid so I don’t know what I’m talking about, remember the thing about supply and demand? Also, as much as you look to your Government to change things, they cannot work wonders for you. You want change then you got to start doing something about it too.

For now, I read the piece of news, shake my head and think to myself what is Singapore becoming? Is this degeneration of our country? Have we lost sight of what is important?

I was watching a documentary on the HIV/aids situation in Myanmar. The focus was on shelters set up by a volunteer for people diagnosed with the illness. As these people are shunned by neighbours in their villages, they make way to the shelters to seek medical aid and refuge. All of them are also poor and can barely make ends meet.

The sad fact of life is that medical supplies are expensive and thus, only the rich can afford to keep up with the payment for these necessities to keep them alive for the rest of their lives. The poor just look to their governments for aid and rely on the goodwill of the rich. To make things worse, their government is just not very smart when it comes to such issues. It makes me really sad and angry to hear that their government does not do anything to help these people. In fact, they make things worse by creating trouble for the volunteer, threatening to close down the shelters. They have even ordered Doctors Without Borders to stop their work.

It is said that the medicine the patients need cost USD30 a month. If for any reason, the patient stops taking the medicine, when they start to take it again, they need a second dosage which brings the cost up to USD60. For such poor people, they cannot afford this.

A family was featured where the husband passed the HIV virus to his wife, who in turn passed it to her baby girl. The couple have a healthy three-year-old son as well. Doctors have advised the mother to stop breastfeeding her baby girl as they believe this is aggravating the virus in her daughter. However, she sadly told the camera crew that this is not possible as they are too poor to buy a substitute to feed her daughter. It is heartbreaking to hear this.

I am angry. Why doesn’t their government do anything? Is setting aside USD30 a day to ensure someone else gets a chance to experience life too hard to ask of a rich government official?

It’s at times like these that I wish I could save these people from their misery. They don’t deserve to die just coz their government is incompetent. But there are just too many people in the world that needs to be saved.

And so, I go to sleep feeling frustrated.

This is another one of those posts where I make comments to something shared on Facebook.

17 Things You Suddenly Start Doing When You Get an Office Job

My Comments:
#1: YES! Lunch was the most sacred time where we could all stop thinking about work and actually socialise. Our lunches ended at 2pm no matter what time they started, never changed. But the lunch bell rang later and later, from 12pm to 12.30pm and finally the ultimate 1pm.
#2: YES! I never felt so deprived of sleep during school days. Waking up at 6.15am and ending work at 7pm or later (with no naps in between) every day is no joke.
#3: Yea, I always signed off with ‘thank you’ in my emails until one day I stopped to think whether I really needed to thank people or not.
#4: Haha, it doesn’t matter whether I’m at home or in office. I have at least five tabs open. 60 is just overkill. At home, the permanently open tabs are Gmail and Facebook. I kid you not. I think this is about the only multitasking I can do.
#5: Yup. When I’m stressed and snacks are within reach, I WILL SNACK. I know it’s bad, but I can’t help it. I need to make myself feel better.
#6: I get locked in vicious breakfast cycles instead. Three for a dollar nuggets are way better than facing work.
#7: Please, hell no. I don’t want to be caught in this. The use of acronyms at work is INSANE. The engineers use them a lot for technical stuff and I’m like “WHAT???”
#8: I treat my co-workers like friends. What are you talking about?
#9: Didn’t happen to me.
#10: *sigh* Yes, I cannot switch off if something’s bothering me and it’s work-related.
#11: This doesn’t just apply to the office. If it’s free food, it’s good.
#12: It’s the saddest thing that can happen to someone and yes, it happened to me before. Thank God for wonderful colleagues. They bought me my favourite hazelnut latte from Starbucks to cheer me up.
#13: Nope, didn’t happen, but we did have a growing playlist specially for the department. Our theme song? “Titanium” by David Guetta. Not hard to figure out why. My theme song was “Carcrashes” by Standfast.
#14: Didn’t happen to me.
#15: Wished it did happen.
#16: Omg…yes. It became like an after-school party…in the office. WTH.
#17: Didn’t happen to me.

Could it be, could it be, could it be that Elisia has returned to the blogging world? *sparkly eyes*

Maybe.

I’ve been out of this for too long. Ever since I got married, got a job, I just couldn’t find the time for anything. Not to mention the boy always tells me to stop wasting my time on leisurely things. To make things worse, work got more demanding with long hours and assignments that never seemed to end. Now that I’ve quit my job, I get more breathing space to do the things I’ve neglected so much. Of course, during this time I’ll also be looking for my next job, but at least I can go back to this place…something that I started years ago and am unwilling to give up no matter how many times it seems it has died.

Here are some things I plan to do during this break:

• Get back on track with my health
  It’s easy to forget to drink water when you’re really busy. People can tell me that it’s no excuse, but it happened. I would sit at my desk, work on my assignments and just not find the right moment to leave my desk to get more water or even go to the loo. Wait a minute, I don’t even feel the urge to pee coz I don’t drink enough water. As a result, I got constipated. It could be four to five days before I actually felt the urge to go to the loo. I feel my body is really all whacked up. I have this persistent pimple problem on my back which I suspect is coz my body is not releasing toxins as it should be. I also suspect that it’s causing me to put on weight and for some strange reason, not get sick too. Anyway, I’ve been watching my water and food intake now that I’m at home most of the time. Have also started some sort of exercise routine with jogging twice to thrice a week. I really need to watch my health especially since I plan to have a kid later.
• Keep up with close friends
  I am sad to say that I’ve neglected some of the people who are dear to me. I always knew that both work and friends were important, but somehow work took over my life. This fact only hit me real hard when I attended a leadership course and one of the topics was about self-renewal and relationships. It made me pause and think about the important people in my life and how much time I’m actually spending with them. I do not want to cut out these people from my life as they have always stood by me — through the good and bad times.
• Plan the wedding reception
  We are the weird couple. We do things in reverse or in any order we like. Even though we decided we did not want to have the usual Chinese banquet, I still would like to spend my special moment with my loved ones. It is my way of saying thanks. Date has been settled…in June. We are also not having a traditional photoshoot/wedding album thing since we decided what for pay so much for an album that’ll probably end up under the bed. But…but…I still want to have beautiful pictures of me and the boy taken and displayed. So I’ve decided to create my own album. The boy has stated very clearly that planning this is my task since he did all the planning work for renovating our place. This is gonna be tough, but I hope it goes well. Yikes.
• Find a new job
  That goes without saying. Period.
• Watch some anime
  Or rather plow through the growing list of anime. Compared to dramas, I find anime easier to watch as the episodes are shorter and well…anime guys are so much cuter. Oh no, am I turning into some weird otaku? Anyway, be prepared…coz there will be some weird kyaa-ing posts soon. I’m 28 and married, but I think I can have some private space to fantasise and have some kyaa moments right?
• Read some books/manga
  I have quite a collection of non-fiction and manga begging to be read. Also need to complete them so I have more space for new ones. I reposted this stats fact thing on Facebook recently. I realised that I’m forgetting quite a bit of what I learnt in Stats class. Got me all fired up to revisit what I have forgotten. It is true that I like analysing numbers even if I’m not like pro at it. It’s comforting to work with numbers and find out what they mean. Numbers never lie. And they are so much easier to handle than people’s emotions. I hate how work became like a game. Those who knew how to play it moved forward and up the ladder, while people like me just seemed to be caught in a neverending loop.
• Do some cross-stitch
  I have a few kits that I’ve not completed. Hope to find some time to do them…bit by bit. Right now this is quite low priority. We’ll see…

And of course while I do all this, I have my wifely duties to fulfill as well (e.g. clean the house, cook, iron clothes, etc.)

Wish me good luck!

I would have reposted this on Facebook but I have too many comments to make. Lol.

27 Struggles Every International Student at an American College Knows Too Well

My comments:
#1: I don’t really get jet lagged coz I hardly sleep on the plane.
#2: When I entered college, I was past 21 which made me legal to drink in both countries. I don’t drink anyway.
#3: Yes, in my case it was which group to tag along for a Thanksgiving trip or stay back
#4: No comment, but I must say that clothing from Aeropostale and American Eagle were cheap (compared to when they opened stores in Singapore).
#5: Yup, I still remember some kid in my rhetoric class edited my paper — circled ‘learnt’ and said that word doesn’t exist.
#6: Didn’t have that problem.
#7: Oh yes. The omelette at this pancake place my aunt took me to, could feed at least two people. That said, I put on weight when I completed my four years of college. Enough said.
#8: I remember talking to Wen about this. It’s different talking to people from Asia and Americans. It’s the way we were brought up and what we’re familiar with.
#9: In my case, my parents were too busy fussing around my grandpa. It got quite frustrating at one point when I was talking to my mum and she was just not really listening at all.
#10: Didn’t have that problem.
#11: Didn’t have that problem, but I did have to adopt the way Americans spoke coz they seemed to have trouble understanding the English that came out of my mouth when I spoke normally.
#12: Haha, this is too true. I missed my Myojo Big Prawn Noodles and Nong Shim Claypot Ramyun so much that I asked my mum to ship some to me. KS missed Ayam brand Chilli Tuna. By the way, the instant noodles in the US is crap. Every flavour of Maruchan tasted the same. The only decent cup noodle was the spicy Nong Shim cup.
#13: Didn’t have that problem.
#14: Yes.
#15: I did not maniacally scramble to the International Students’ office to get my I-20 signed before I returned home for the summer, but I remember the hassle of getting it signed anyway.
#16: Didn’t have that problem.
#17: Didn’t have that problem coz I could switch. Anyone who comes home with a weird accent after just one to four years abroad is trying to show off. It’s true.
#18: Didn’t have that problem.
#19: Huh? What’s that?
#20: Didn’t have that problem coz I wasn’t seeking a job there and Illini Media is a mostly student-run organisation.
#21: Nope.
#22: Not really. Holidays are good coz that means no school.
#23: Didn’t use those then so had no such problems I did have a problem of wanting to call someone back home but couldn’t coz of the time difference.
#24: OMG. YES. I’ve to deal with: “Singapore is part of China right?” and that my native language is not English. Sure, Singapore’s national language is not English, but I can safely say that we’re the only Asian country that uses English as our first language and main language of instruction.
#25: How many times have I heard “all Asians look alike”? I am going to roll my eyes at the next person who says this in front of me.
#26: Not really, but I did feel a tinge of sadness when I had to leave. Left behind my good friends Christina, Stephanie, Wen, Owen and Prof. Vargas.
#27: Didn’t have that problem.