my writing sucks

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[edited on September 19, 2007 @ 7.56pm]

I’ve calmed down and bounced back up (as usual). After emailing Mr Claborn and getting some doubts clarified, I guess there was some misunderstanding on my part so I’ve accepted that lousy grade. I mean, what can I do but accept it and move on?

I’m not sure whether it was the outburst (below) or did everyone just get some ESP powers bestowed on them? Yea, like a few people messaged me on MSN to ask how I am. First was Shaz, then Don (whose other intention was to get help for css) and Kelvin sensei. Thanks guys. You don’t know how much that little chat meant to me yesterday. Thanks, Raynor, for that little encouragement.

Thanks, Per, for always listening to my whining. I’m sure there was a certain helplessness you felt for not being able to be physically here for me but really, you’ve been there for me emotionally. Also, please don’t worry so much about me. I may be much of a loner but if ever I don’t feel safe, I will open my mouth to ask someone to accompany me. Besides, I try not to stay out after it gets dark. Thanks, Pwen, for offering to help me out with my writing. Only thing is if I send the drafts to you, please don’t laugh ok? Oh, and STOP tempting me with talk about food. I miss fishball mee so much already…

[edited]

The tears are threatening to spill. I can’t believe I actually held on all the way from Illini Hall back to my room. Heck, I should just cry since it will make me feel better anyway.

It’s like I don’t know myself anymore. My writing sucks and I know it. I don’t know how to prove a point and I’m just rambling on, throwing in all sorts of descriptive words. There’s no formula to memorise for writing. It’s just part of you. You can’t try to copy someone’s style coz it’s just not you. It’s like if someone throws you into a deep pool, you better learn how to swim or else.

I thought I was on the right track after the peer evaluation and the email, but it seems not. It’s only the first paper and I got a lousy B-. Not to mention, tons of negative comments and underlined sentences filled the paper.

It also sucks that I have no close friends around and I can’t call a close friend (ya, like on the other side of world) coz the stupid line lives on credits and I have no money to pay the international fees. I’m not looking for false hope, I’m looking for a shoulder to cry on.

What’s the point of hoping to major in Advertising and entering College of Communications when you can’t communicate through writing?

Ya, like stop fucking whining about it already.

大丈夫じゃない…

mugger toad

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I can’t remember where I heard that but yea, it’s a name given with bad intention to a person who likes to study intensively. I need to become one. I’ve been slacking a bit in the weekend so now the readings are sort of not on schedule. Well, I like to read ahead so I can save myself the hassle of reading everyday.

I’ve not started on my Astronomy planetarium report or my second Rhetoric essay. I’ve yet to do my readings for Psychology and the test is next Tuesday. These days, my books are all piled on the floor, next to my writing desk instead of the bookshelf.

I’ve been sleeping late these few days. Almost fell asleep during the Psychology study and Astronomy lecture. At first, the Psychology study was kinda exciting. My first time being part of an experiment. After awhile it got boring staring at a screen with dots, Hs, and As of red, blue, and green appearing at random moments, and me trying to search the screen for a red or blue H and responding in the fastest time possible. I swear, there were moments when my tired mind and eyes played up and everything started to swim around. Really had to blink hard to stay awake.

I know I can handle everything in the end but I just don’t want to keep doing last minute work. I need to be on top of things.

The “Stop slacking and doing last minute work, you stupid girl!!!” sign pinned on my cork board is not working. How?!

Anyway, a follow-up from the last entry… In the end, I figured out where to wait for the bus. There wasn’t a bus stop sign in sight but I figured I could just wait by the side of the junction since it is printed on the bus guide as a time stop.

I think anyone who saw me must have been amazed by this small girl lugging so much weight around. I walked a LONG way from my aunt’s place to that junction with a heavy backpack (filled with 2 textbooks and 2 large spiral notebooks), a laptop bag strapped across, and a huge and heavy bag of laundry. I would have given up and cried had it not for me telling myself “頑張れ、もう少し。” 4-5 times along the way. I really don’t know whether I can do this again. I thought I could manage going to my aunt’s place in the weekends but it really seems I can’t. Where is the boyfriend who drives when you desperately need one?

how cold it is

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I never really knew how cold it was until I came over to my aunt’s place for the weekend. Wow, it dips down to an all-time low of 50 degrees fahrenheit (about 10 degrees celsius) at night. And I was walking back to my dorm from Daniels Hall on Friday night. Woooooo…

J-Net was having a movie screening on Friday night. Had it not been for the movie, I would have gone over to my aunt’s place earlier. Luckily Man Ling agreed to drive me over. I think the girl was sleeping later when it was time to leave coz she asked Dominic to drive me over instead. Thanks to the both of them. I really owe you guys one.

Today, I walked out to Savoy to check where the bus stop is and also to go catch a movie before it closes, “Becoming Jane“. Armed with a printout map, I managed to walk out to Savoy without getting lost (a big feat) or panicking. The movie was kinda emotional but nicely done. It’s about the author, Jane Austen. If you had studied literature, you most likely would have read “Pride and Prejudice“. It was quite likely she styled the characters in the image of herself and her lover.

After the movie, I tried to find the bus stop as stated on the bus guide but couldn’t really find it. I saw another one, not sure whether that’s the one though. Good luck to me tomorrow.

keeping warm

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I was just about to blog when the fire alarm went off. Thank God I didn’t decide to go bathe after dinner like I usually do. Julliane said they do this fire drill at odd times. Once, they set the alarm off at 2am in the morning.

Anyway, back to the purpose of this entry.

The stupidest thing to do when it’s cold outside is to wear slippers. Ya, my toes got frozen. I learnt my lesson and wore shoes since yesterday. I also discovered that my OP jacket/windbreaker is not enough to keep warm on cold mornings. Out came the pink Illinois(ssssss) sweater. It worked but I don’t think I can wear black tees underneath it coz the inner lining is fluffy and the lint gets stuck on the tee, making it look like I just rolled around in dust. Well, just 2 days of wearing the sweater and I fell in love with it so I got another one at Follett’s. The new one is orange (school colour). 🙂 People wear their school colours proud here. The bookstores sell tons of school memorabilia. From lanyards to mugs, stationery, sweaters, tees, track pants, pyjama pants etc. I’m just jumping on the “I love school” bandwagon.

The transition to autumn is beginning. It’s rather cold in the morning now. Not like super frostbite cold but definitely much much colder than the lowest temperature back home. Some students can tahan the weather coz they still walk around in tees and shorts, but I don’t think anyone from Singapore can do that. Afternoons are a little warmer with the sun out. You can afford to take off the sweater but I keep it on coz I’m just too lazy to keep taking it off then putting it back on.

I went to the planetarium at Parkland College yesterday. It was part of my Astronomy class syllabus. I sort of expected to have a view of the night sky through telescopes etc. Didn’t get that. I got the view of the night sky through this machine projecting images on the dome ceiling. But, it wasn’t that bad coz the guy gave a very good and fun explanation to the night sky. Of course, it’s not an excursion…it comes with a price, in the form of homework and a 150-200 word essay.

Before I sign off, here are some cam-whoring photos…

This is my first time in ages, tying up my hair. After doing that pose, I realised the Massu board was just behind me, so…

Last but not least…

PS: If you’re wondering what’s with the Illinois(sssss) thing, it’s a joke. The ‘s’ is meant to be silent when you pronounce the word but students like to emphasize the ‘s’ as a joke. Learnt that on Convocation Day while singing the school song.

stupid machines

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I want to let out all the frustration…

ARGH! STUPID CHANGE MACHINE IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM!!! *STOMPS STOMPS STOMPS* #$%^&#$(%^(&($&^&!(#(!(!& STUPID DAMN THING!!! :angry:

*breathes*

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! :angry:

*breathes*

:angry:

Just when I happily decided to try washing my clothes in the dorm laundry room, the change machine had to be spoilt and the front desk doesn’t want to change notes to quarters. The front desk girl kindly changed a dollar from her own wallet. That was enough for only one wash. Heard from another girl that the drinks vending machine could give change. Feeling all smart, I decided to do that to get some more quarters. Damn it. The stupid vending machine refused to spit out the coins. So I ended up with a very expensive, SMALL bottle of apple juice. WAH LAU!!! :angry:

Now, I can’t even use the dryer to dry my clothes. Have to hang them all around the room. WAH LAU EHZ! :angry:

i miss

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Yes, I do realise I’m long overdued on those photos. Just give me some more time, please?

I miss the food back home. Where the hell can I find fish ball mee, bah chor mee, yong tau foo or hainanese chicken rice here? They don’t have yellow noodles or even beehoon. 🙁

I realise I miss home a lot when I lay down to sleep. It kind of scares me that I’ll wake up tomorrow and not hear the voices of my family. Suddenly, the bed I lay on just seems so foreign. I hit the “send/receive” button in Microsoft Outlook Express a little too often. I’m anxious to receive mail from home. I need to know what is going on back home so I don’t feel too distant from all of you.

It’s only one month and I miss home…terribly. 🙁

drawing blood

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Let me tell you a secret. My blood is green coz I’m actually an alien in disguise. The real Elisia got kidnapped a long time ago that’s why everytime you ask me (Elisia) what I remember about my childhood before 4-5 years old, I have no recollection…

HAHAHA…kidding. But I seriously would like to answer that when those security officers ask “Where are you from?” at the airports. C’mon, that’s such an open-ended question. Be more specific manz.

That’s beside the point. I just had a blood test. I’m not going into the long explanation of why I went for a blood test. Contrary to what I thought, it was ok. People keep scaring me with stories that the needle is freakin’ huge so it’s painful and the blue-blacks I see on people’s arms are just the proof of the hell they went through. Not that I’m afraid of needles. If I need to be poked then of course, I don’t really have a choice do I? Just make sure that the nurse is an experienced one. No poking more than the required number of times and no hesitating which reflects badly on your experience and career.

The needle used was certainly larger than the usual used to administer booster shots. But I liked the way the nurse did the whole procedure professionally. It was quick and I didn’t feel a thing. Even when the needle punctured my skin, it just felt like a pin prick.

Hey, now I can seriously consider donating blood…

everyday is reading day

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I wonder how my neighbours seem to find the time to watch tv. I seem to be doing my readings everyday and find like I only have about an hour or so for leisure. One hour to play games, watch dramas, update blog etc…where got enough?!

Trying to keep on top of things. Astronomy is interesting but it’s getting difficult. The text is dry with a number of terms and concepts to understand. I just read up about eclipses and thank God I remember how Dad used visuals (his fists) to teach me about them when I was young.

Anyway, I missed out on the lunar eclipse. 3+am, didn’t think I could handle that. But I woke up a few times at night wondering if the orange light pouring in from the window was from the eclipse or the street lights. I bet it was just my imagination. Per caught it. I’m so jealous~~~ Now, I’ve got to wait till next year. Was chatting with CJ sometime in the afternoon and she said we could exchange information on astronomy. Here’s what she also said…”Boss, you are such a geek.” Well, that statement certainly meant no harm. I think it’s sort of true. My aunt has made the observation that my uncle and I share an interest on IT stuff. We could run wild in Best Buy. And here I am, interested in astronomy. HAHAHA… :laugh:

Just for the curious, I survived Rhetoric class. Turns out I’m not the only one who found the readings tough. We got our first assignment which we can begin on after the trip to the school art musuem on Thursday. *nods* I will try my best to analyse my chosen topic so I can write a good paper.

Our floor had dinner together today. As usual, I’m so quiet. But I guess most people do know already that I have a talkative side which is displayed to people whom I’m very familiar with. The girls are nice. Some gave me advice on school and stuff.

Tomorrow night is Open Doors Night. We leave our room doors open so the other girls on the floor can visit and we get to know each other. My room isn’t that interesting coz it’s kinda simple and bare. I put up all those farewell gifts on the wall since I don’t have posters. They are also there to remind me to study hard and that you guys are always with me. I also moved the 2 cork boards since they kept falling off the wall. Double-sided mounting squares are supposed to be invincible. I never tried tack (it’s not blue so can’t be called blu-tack) coz I believed it wouldn’t hold. In a last resort, I used just that. Well, what do you know? It worked. The cork boards are now on the side wall.

rhetoric makes me go dot dot dot

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I just completed my readings for Rhetoric. Reading for Rhetoric class makes me feel like propelling myself into the air and then crash headfirst onto a hard concrete floor.

So much for being enthusiastic about class or keeping an open mind about class. I’m just getting more and more confused. Let’s hope I survive tomorrow.

The lunar eclipse issue is making me go all excited. But, 3+am is an unearthly hour! It’s not the holidays where I can stay up (like I did to catch NDP online). And I still have to worry about surviving Rhetoric class tomorrow. ARGH! :angry:

Think I’m going to crash (go to sleep)…

i miss home

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I got a printer. It’s a HP All-in-One. I like how it’s all compact unlike the all-in-one I have at home. It even has card slots so you can print photos directly. Also has a small coloured LCD panel. So cool! 🙂

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to bring it home to use after my 4 years here are up. 🙁

I miss home~~~ 🙁 Rhetoric is hard. I still have readings to do and the preparation questions for discussion sound so cheem. How~~~ My Engrish no good lahz… 🙁

If I didn’t have Rhetoric tomorrow morning, I would wake up at 3.30am tomorrow morning to see the eclipse of the moon. At least there is flat, unlit, unblocked land here.