econs

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Have been waiting so long for the Econs mid-term grades to be out. Finally, I receive an email from my TA that they are up on Compass.

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My Econs mid-term grades are out!
Per: omgomg
Me: omg… *breathes*
Me: *crosses fingers* I go check now.
Per: 加油!
Me: Logging in…

While typing in my id and password…”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” Click on ‘Econs’ and ‘My Grades’…*covers eyes and peeks through them* “何これ?!” *stares at the score*

79.5/100

Me: Is that good or bad?
Per: That’s good isn’t it? That’s…like 4/5. *lol*
Per: 80 mah.
Me: oei oei OEIIIIII *must follow Yoko* :angry: What’s the letter score?
Per: What letter score?
Me: Whether A or B or what? I think it’s B…

In another conversation window…

Me: Wait ar…I’m checking my Econs mid-term grades.
Jiemin: *lol* Ok.
Me: 緊張します… *breathes*
Jiemin: *lol* Relax.
Me: 79.5/100
Jiemin: Whoa. Good eh.
Me: oei oei OEIIIIII *must follow Yoko* :angry: What’s the letter score?
Me: Cannot just see marks, must see the letter score.
Jiemin: *lol*

Yet another conversation window…

Me: econsmidtermgradesareoutoutoutoutout… *breathes*
Me: I got 79.5/100.
Me: oei oei OEIIIIII *must follow Yoko* :angry: What’s the letter score?
Kang Jie: Ok, I go check. Where to check?
Me: Compass duh.
Kang Jie: I don’t have leh.
Me: oei oei OEIIIIII :angry: What’s the max score for each question?
Kang Jie: I don’t know. I don’t see anything.
Me: Anyway, my TA said they dropped the score for the question you did worst on.
Kang Jie: Shit man. My TA sucks lah. I can’t see my score. He hasn’t uploaded yet.
Kang Jie: 79.5 is A right?
Me: Don’t know…that’s what I want to know.
*after some cutting and pasting of the email from my TA*
Kang Jie: But you get 79.5 above average and very close to 84.
Me: やっぱり…it’s still 4.5 marks away from 84. T_T

This is what happens when you have too many smart asses around you. You start to compare and compare and compare and compare and compare and compare…and you’re never gonna be good.

So, is 79.5/100 good or not? :angry:

lolita hime is back

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[edited on November 2, 2007 @ 12.16am]
How was everyone’s halloween? I saw some people in really crazy outfits like a milk carton, Hershey’s kisses chocolate, teletubbies (eh oh!) etc… Our own SSA members had some great costumes too. There was Garfield (Yongji), a chicken (Joshua), a squirrel (Lin Yan), Mr Ghostface (Dominic), Hangman (Terence), Bart Simpson (Ui Aik), Ah Beng (Shaun), Bad ass cop (Aileen), Fairy (Fiona), some characters from one of those RPG games (Daniel and Wei Hong), some anime character (Esther), schoolgirl (Jeri), Bo Peep (Jun Wan), graduate? (Dian Hua) etc. Sorry if I missed out anyone. あたし? ロリータ姫です :heart: 。

I’m sure Chloe wants to see some photos…

I think the photo doesn’t do much justice to the outfit coz the room wasn’t bright enough and I had to balance on the edge of the bed to take the photo coz the mirror is not a full length one.

I’ll see if I can kope some photos from people and post them up later. My digicam batteries are seems to be dying soon from overcharging. In fact, one has already died and the other one doesn’t give me much time to take loads of photos. Ok, I’m just finding excuses for myself coz I didn’t start camera whoring at the party.

あ！時間切れ。Need to go do some homework…
[/edited]

ロリータ姫 is back! She went to the halloween party by SSA in her punk lolita? outfit and rocking shoes. For the first time in ages, she put on make-up. Ever since she arrived in USA, the times she has put on make-up can be counted on one hand, unlike back home where she puts on make-up everytime she goes out. Her sis, the other ロリータ姫, should be proud to know that she can now put on mascara a whole lot faster and that she tried putting on eyeliner for the first time. Hmmm…but the eyeliner got smudged a little from a not-so-steady hand and from tearing. :laugh:

More later~~~

empty list

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[edited @ 6.37pm]
Wooooooooooooooooooo…I got an A for my Astronomy mid-term exam!!! I need to buck up and study earlier for Psychology though. Been missing the B grade by 1-2 marks. Crossing my fingers for Econs. I need to get an A for my final Rhet research paper to probably secure an A for my final grade.
[/edited]

Whoa…this is scary. My MSN friend list looks so empty coz almost everyone is offline. All the SSA people have gone to Indiana for Mid-Western games. Man Ling is driving me and Kaoru tomorrow morning.

I couldn’t get more gyoza today coz it was raining and J-Net couldn’t set up the booth. They got the tent shade thing but coz of the electric cooker and the fear of getting electrocuted, they couldn’t start cooking. They couldn’t set up the booth inside Union coz Union doesn’t allow any cooking inside for safety reasons. In case you’re wondering, this whole gyoza sale is a J-Net fundraiser.

dying a slow death

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I feel like I’m dying very very slowly. I’m sliding very very slowly… I’m losing my grip…

Mid-terms are a week away. I dare not think of the outcome. I wonder why I have to study twice as hard to get that grade when everyone seems to be sailing past effortlessly. Why do I ALWAYS have to be surrounded by smart asses? Why am I ALWAYS attracted to smart asses?

And I still don’t know how to tackle the 3rd Rhet essay…

Some random things: 

Doing laundry makes me happy. I love the warm, fuzzy feeling my clothes give me when I smell them. It gives me this comfort that feels like I’m home. I love watching my clothes getting tossed round and round in the dryer.

I hate waking up from a dream, thinking I’m at home and the sudden realisation that hits me that I’m not. Then, I just stare into space for a good 10 minutes. Per, now I understand the joy you had in staring into space back in Secondary school. For a moment, just a moment, the world seems to stop…

i wanna scream

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“I hate myself and I want to die.” – from Elizabeth Wurtzel’s ‘Prozac Nation’

好气我自己，好讨厌我自己，什么事都做不好。

我好像放了人家的飞机。Jayce asked for help with the banner today. Although I didn’t outright agree, but I think I sort of gave people the hope that I would turn up. I found that I have things to do like catching up on Econs, thinking about what to write for the next Rhet essay, and working on the Astronomy report that’s due tomorrow, so I decided not to go help.

I was so tired this morning that after lunch, I decided to take a nap. I slept too soundly that I missed Psychology lecture. I woke up with a start at 2.28pm. If the class is at Foellinger, I don’t mind being late since I’ll probably be only 5 minutes late. But, I need at least 15-20 minutes to get to Wohlers.

I should have done this a little earlier today after Liz advised me last night to check with the desk clerks about putting up the posters in the dorm. Desk clerks told me I had to get them approved at Clark Hall – the administration building for dorms. Missed the bus so I just walked all the way. By the way, Clark Hall is just past the Armory which is just past Wohlers. Got there just in time to be told that all staff have knocked off work. I just missed them by a few minutes. Damnit.

Walked all the way back with the STUPID sun shining on me. I can’t understand why the damn weather is like that. Half the time it’s so cold, half the time it’s so blardee hot. Nabeh. Want to be hot then be hot all the way. Want to be cold then be cold all the way. Not cold morning then hot afternoon/evening. I HATE putting on and taking off my sweater all the time ok!!!

I think the only consolation I have from this crappy day is the A- I got on the second Rhet essay.

Ya, whatever.

it’s a cloudy day?

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[edited @8.25pm]

The post made after this is password protected due to certain views which I think will not be too safe to be made public. Friends who want to read it, please email me for the password. Thanks.

[edited] 

The night-time observation session got cancelled due to cloudy weather. I scrambled to sign up for next Tuesday’s session. I really hope that next Tuesday’s session wouldn’t be cancelled. There are other sessions after that but next Tuesday is the last day to be able to observe Jupiter.

Blah…this sucks.

I checked out the laundry area. All the washing machines and dryers are working hard coz everyone’s making use of the free laundry day. :laugh: I will do my laundry at midnight I guess. Should have less people by then. 

My fringe is getting long; need to cut it.

recent happenings…

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Went for the J-Net Fashion Show meeting. I signed up to be in the yukata and modern fashion segment.  Hmmmm…makes me feel I should have brought my lolita dress and yukata over. Anyway, I bought a top and rocking shoes from a online seller, Jennifer recommended. Jennifer is the girl who’s in JAC and J-Net and is always dressed in lolita fashion. She sews her own dresses and comes up with the patterns herself. すごいね… I’m waiting for the items to arrive…so exciting…

Tomorrow is supposed to be free laundry day. I shall be kiasu and make full use of the washing machines and dryers since it’s going to be free~~~

Waiting for 9pm to arrive so I can get my fix of apples at the late night. Recently, I don’t feel hungry in the evening so I skip dinner. Ya, maybe I can go on an apple diet. But there are times when I can’t resist food too, so I check out what the dining hall is serving for lunch and dinner and decide which one I should go for. Anyway, I won’t starve to death coz I have a stash of food in my room. Hehehe…

my writing sucks

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[edited on September 19, 2007 @ 7.56pm]

I’ve calmed down and bounced back up (as usual). After emailing Mr Claborn and getting some doubts clarified, I guess there was some misunderstanding on my part so I’ve accepted that lousy grade. I mean, what can I do but accept it and move on?

I’m not sure whether it was the outburst (below) or did everyone just get some ESP powers bestowed on them? Yea, like a few people messaged me on MSN to ask how I am. First was Shaz, then Don (whose other intention was to get help for css) and Kelvin sensei. Thanks guys. You don’t know how much that little chat meant to me yesterday. Thanks, Raynor, for that little encouragement.

Thanks, Per, for always listening to my whining. I’m sure there was a certain helplessness you felt for not being able to be physically here for me but really, you’ve been there for me emotionally. Also, please don’t worry so much about me. I may be much of a loner but if ever I don’t feel safe, I will open my mouth to ask someone to accompany me. Besides, I try not to stay out after it gets dark. Thanks, Pwen, for offering to help me out with my writing. Only thing is if I send the drafts to you, please don’t laugh ok? Oh, and STOP tempting me with talk about food. I miss fishball mee so much already…

[edited]

The tears are threatening to spill. I can’t believe I actually held on all the way from Illini Hall back to my room. Heck, I should just cry since it will make me feel better anyway.

It’s like I don’t know myself anymore. My writing sucks and I know it. I don’t know how to prove a point and I’m just rambling on, throwing in all sorts of descriptive words. There’s no formula to memorise for writing. It’s just part of you. You can’t try to copy someone’s style coz it’s just not you. It’s like if someone throws you into a deep pool, you better learn how to swim or else.

I thought I was on the right track after the peer evaluation and the email, but it seems not. It’s only the first paper and I got a lousy B-. Not to mention, tons of negative comments and underlined sentences filled the paper.

It also sucks that I have no close friends around and I can’t call a close friend (ya, like on the other side of world) coz the stupid line lives on credits and I have no money to pay the international fees. I’m not looking for false hope, I’m looking for a shoulder to cry on.

What’s the point of hoping to major in Advertising and entering College of Communications when you can’t communicate through writing?

Ya, like stop fucking whining about it already.

大丈夫じゃない…

mugger toad

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I can’t remember where I heard that but yea, it’s a name given with bad intention to a person who likes to study intensively. I need to become one. I’ve been slacking a bit in the weekend so now the readings are sort of not on schedule. Well, I like to read ahead so I can save myself the hassle of reading everyday.

I’ve not started on my Astronomy planetarium report or my second Rhetoric essay. I’ve yet to do my readings for Psychology and the test is next Tuesday. These days, my books are all piled on the floor, next to my writing desk instead of the bookshelf.

I’ve been sleeping late these few days. Almost fell asleep during the Psychology study and Astronomy lecture. At first, the Psychology study was kinda exciting. My first time being part of an experiment. After awhile it got boring staring at a screen with dots, Hs, and As of red, blue, and green appearing at random moments, and me trying to search the screen for a red or blue H and responding in the fastest time possible. I swear, there were moments when my tired mind and eyes played up and everything started to swim around. Really had to blink hard to stay awake.

I know I can handle everything in the end but I just don’t want to keep doing last minute work. I need to be on top of things.

The “Stop slacking and doing last minute work, you stupid girl!!!” sign pinned on my cork board is not working. How?!

Anyway, a follow-up from the last entry… In the end, I figured out where to wait for the bus. There wasn’t a bus stop sign in sight but I figured I could just wait by the side of the junction since it is printed on the bus guide as a time stop.

I think anyone who saw me must have been amazed by this small girl lugging so much weight around. I walked a LONG way from my aunt’s place to that junction with a heavy backpack (filled with 2 textbooks and 2 large spiral notebooks), a laptop bag strapped across, and a huge and heavy bag of laundry. I would have given up and cried had it not for me telling myself “頑張れ、もう少し。” 4-5 times along the way. I really don’t know whether I can do this again. I thought I could manage going to my aunt’s place in the weekends but it really seems I can’t. Where is the boyfriend who drives when you desperately need one?

how cold it is

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I never really knew how cold it was until I came over to my aunt’s place for the weekend. Wow, it dips down to an all-time low of 50 degrees fahrenheit (about 10 degrees celsius) at night. And I was walking back to my dorm from Daniels Hall on Friday night. Woooooo…

J-Net was having a movie screening on Friday night. Had it not been for the movie, I would have gone over to my aunt’s place earlier. Luckily Man Ling agreed to drive me over. I think the girl was sleeping later when it was time to leave coz she asked Dominic to drive me over instead. Thanks to the both of them. I really owe you guys one.

Today, I walked out to Savoy to check where the bus stop is and also to go catch a movie before it closes, “Becoming Jane“. Armed with a printout map, I managed to walk out to Savoy without getting lost (a big feat) or panicking. The movie was kinda emotional but nicely done. It’s about the author, Jane Austen. If you had studied literature, you most likely would have read “Pride and Prejudice“. It was quite likely she styled the characters in the image of herself and her lover.

After the movie, I tried to find the bus stop as stated on the bus guide but couldn’t really find it. I saw another one, not sure whether that’s the one though. Good luck to me tomorrow.