chotto sabishii

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I finally got to go to the night-time observation after 2 cancelled dates coz of the weather. It was a little disappointing though. Maybe I had too high an expectation. I expected to see Jupiter really close-up but all I saw was a dot with 3 smaller dots in a row next to it. The 3 smaller dots are Jupiter’s moons. The moon wasn’t a disappointment though. It was nice, big, and full as it was 中秋节。I got to see the dark spots, Maria, and craters a little clearer. As for the star cluster, I spent too much time at the smaller telescopes that by the time I got to the big telescope, the clouds had moved in. So, I went back the next day. Another little disappointment. The star cluster wasn’t super bright. Kinda faint. A fact for everyone: Contrary to popular belief, Polaris (the North Star) is not the brightest star.

This is probably my second time saying this but…God, where’s my boyfriend who drives? I walked all the way back to my dorm from the Assembly Hall after the Weird Al Yankovic show. I couldn’t see a bus stop and I didn’t want to be left alone at that place so I just walked. I think if anything at all, I wasn’t afraid that I would be assaulted but more afraid that I’ll get lost and there’s no one around to help me. The whole time I was telling myself not to get lost or I’ll cry. I had the bus guide in hand but not all the roads are clearly marked out, only the main ones. Guess what I did? I used the moon to guide me. Don’t laugh ok. I remembered from the night-time observation which direction the moon was in relation to where my dorm was. So as long as I follow that same direction, it would lead me towards my dorm.

天下大乱。本来安慰我的人，现在反而变成我安慰他。*sigh* Kang Jie somehow reminds me of sensei. Maybe it’s coz he listens to what I have to say and doesn’t judge. 哎哟，好丢脸。还要一个年级比我小的人来安慰。Rhetoric seems to be a pain to everyone. *sigh*

This week has been a rather hectic one. From completing assignments, studying for an exam, Psychology studies, to running around helping friends. I haven’t gotten enough sleep. I completely nod off one Astronomy lecture. Not good. Moreover, I missed a grade by 2 marks for my Psychology exam, earning me a C. Super not good. However, I also did last minute studying so if anything at all, I’m the one to blame. On the brighter side, I hope my second Rhetoric essay will earn me a better grade. I put more effort into it this round. I need to buck up. Elisia will keep trying to do better!!! *nods*

At times I feel a little lonely…

my writing sucks

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[edited on September 19, 2007 @ 7.56pm]

I’ve calmed down and bounced back up (as usual). After emailing Mr Claborn and getting some doubts clarified, I guess there was some misunderstanding on my part so I’ve accepted that lousy grade. I mean, what can I do but accept it and move on?

I’m not sure whether it was the outburst (below) or did everyone just get some ESP powers bestowed on them? Yea, like a few people messaged me on MSN to ask how I am. First was Shaz, then Don (whose other intention was to get help for css) and Kelvin sensei. Thanks guys. You don’t know how much that little chat meant to me yesterday. Thanks, Raynor, for that little encouragement.

Thanks, Per, for always listening to my whining. I’m sure there was a certain helplessness you felt for not being able to be physically here for me but really, you’ve been there for me emotionally. Also, please don’t worry so much about me. I may be much of a loner but if ever I don’t feel safe, I will open my mouth to ask someone to accompany me. Besides, I try not to stay out after it gets dark. Thanks, Pwen, for offering to help me out with my writing. Only thing is if I send the drafts to you, please don’t laugh ok? Oh, and STOP tempting me with talk about food. I miss fishball mee so much already…

[edited]

The tears are threatening to spill. I can’t believe I actually held on all the way from Illini Hall back to my room. Heck, I should just cry since it will make me feel better anyway.

It’s like I don’t know myself anymore. My writing sucks and I know it. I don’t know how to prove a point and I’m just rambling on, throwing in all sorts of descriptive words. There’s no formula to memorise for writing. It’s just part of you. You can’t try to copy someone’s style coz it’s just not you. It’s like if someone throws you into a deep pool, you better learn how to swim or else.

I thought I was on the right track after the peer evaluation and the email, but it seems not. It’s only the first paper and I got a lousy B-. Not to mention, tons of negative comments and underlined sentences filled the paper.

It also sucks that I have no close friends around and I can’t call a close friend (ya, like on the other side of world) coz the stupid line lives on credits and I have no money to pay the international fees. I’m not looking for false hope, I’m looking for a shoulder to cry on.

What’s the point of hoping to major in Advertising and entering College of Communications when you can’t communicate through writing?

Ya, like stop fucking whining about it already.

大丈夫じゃない…

mugger toad

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I can’t remember where I heard that but yea, it’s a name given with bad intention to a person who likes to study intensively. I need to become one. I’ve been slacking a bit in the weekend so now the readings are sort of not on schedule. Well, I like to read ahead so I can save myself the hassle of reading everyday.

I’ve not started on my Astronomy planetarium report or my second Rhetoric essay. I’ve yet to do my readings for Psychology and the test is next Tuesday. These days, my books are all piled on the floor, next to my writing desk instead of the bookshelf.

I’ve been sleeping late these few days. Almost fell asleep during the Psychology study and Astronomy lecture. At first, the Psychology study was kinda exciting. My first time being part of an experiment. After awhile it got boring staring at a screen with dots, Hs, and As of red, blue, and green appearing at random moments, and me trying to search the screen for a red or blue H and responding in the fastest time possible. I swear, there were moments when my tired mind and eyes played up and everything started to swim around. Really had to blink hard to stay awake.

I know I can handle everything in the end but I just don’t want to keep doing last minute work. I need to be on top of things.

The “Stop slacking and doing last minute work, you stupid girl!!!” sign pinned on my cork board is not working. How?!

Anyway, a follow-up from the last entry… In the end, I figured out where to wait for the bus. There wasn’t a bus stop sign in sight but I figured I could just wait by the side of the junction since it is printed on the bus guide as a time stop.

I think anyone who saw me must have been amazed by this small girl lugging so much weight around. I walked a LONG way from my aunt’s place to that junction with a heavy backpack (filled with 2 textbooks and 2 large spiral notebooks), a laptop bag strapped across, and a huge and heavy bag of laundry. I would have given up and cried had it not for me telling myself “頑張れ、もう少し。” 4-5 times along the way. I really don’t know whether I can do this again. I thought I could manage going to my aunt’s place in the weekends but it really seems I can’t. Where is the boyfriend who drives when you desperately need one?

i miss

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Yes, I do realise I’m long overdued on those photos. Just give me some more time, please?

I miss the food back home. Where the hell can I find fish ball mee, bah chor mee, yong tau foo or hainanese chicken rice here? They don’t have yellow noodles or even beehoon. 🙁

I realise I miss home a lot when I lay down to sleep. It kind of scares me that I’ll wake up tomorrow and not hear the voices of my family. Suddenly, the bed I lay on just seems so foreign. I hit the “send/receive” button in Microsoft Outlook Express a little too often. I’m anxious to receive mail from home. I need to know what is going on back home so I don’t feel too distant from all of you.

It’s only one month and I miss home…terribly. 🙁

drawing blood

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Let me tell you a secret. My blood is green coz I’m actually an alien in disguise. The real Elisia got kidnapped a long time ago that’s why everytime you ask me (Elisia) what I remember about my childhood before 4-5 years old, I have no recollection…

HAHAHA…kidding. But I seriously would like to answer that when those security officers ask “Where are you from?” at the airports. C’mon, that’s such an open-ended question. Be more specific manz.

That’s beside the point. I just had a blood test. I’m not going into the long explanation of why I went for a blood test. Contrary to what I thought, it was ok. People keep scaring me with stories that the needle is freakin’ huge so it’s painful and the blue-blacks I see on people’s arms are just the proof of the hell they went through. Not that I’m afraid of needles. If I need to be poked then of course, I don’t really have a choice do I? Just make sure that the nurse is an experienced one. No poking more than the required number of times and no hesitating which reflects badly on your experience and career.

The needle used was certainly larger than the usual used to administer booster shots. But I liked the way the nurse did the whole procedure professionally. It was quick and I didn’t feel a thing. Even when the needle punctured my skin, it just felt like a pin prick.

Hey, now I can seriously consider donating blood…

worrying issues before leaving

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Just reformatted my computer. Doing the tedious task of updating the computer and re-installing all the necessary programs now.

The best part is…I forgot to backup the folder with my NANA anime, some old episodes of Shonen Club and Kindaichi (the one with Kame). I’m only irritated about the NANA anime. Although they are the last 14+ episodes which won’t take long to download again, I thought I was done with downloading anime. Recently, bestie’s friend got a warning letter. The first time I know of someone closer getting into trouble. Bestie’s friend downloads loads of anime, which is probably how she got into trouble. So scary… In bestie’s words “what if I come home to find that letter sitting in my mailbox?”

Although I have abandoned the idea of packing my room, I still can’t help worrying that my family will have a hard time packing my stuff later. So, I keep toying with the idea that I should still continue the packing even though I know I really don’t have the time.

I’m worried that I’m packing too many clothes. Half of my tees are in the luggage. Most of which will only be worn in late spring/summer/early autumn. But coz most of the time I wear tees, I just can’t bear to lessen the pile. Moreover, some tees need to be packed in coz they go with certain skirts. Without them, I wouldn’t have something to match when I wear that particular skirt.

And I still can’t get over the fact that I’m leaving in a day’s time and will be back only next year. It’s like stepping out of your comfort zone…

farewell party

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I planned to blog but I’m really tired and have a headache so I’ll keep what I want to say short and sweet.

After thinking over, I am not going to organise to meet anyone before I go off to study. Why should I plan my own farewell party/meeting? If you think you wanna see me, you jolly well plan to meet me. I know I sound kinda arrogant about it and I probably might piss a few people off but hey, it’s true.

Ok, that’s it. Good night.

answer the call

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NANA!!! Hahaha… :laugh:

07.07.07 Live Earth. The day that we are supposed to “wake up” and realise we are destroying our home. I didn’t need this day to remind me of pollution, the greenhouse effect and global warming. I learnt about this a long time ago when Dad presented me with a set of 4 books on pollution. I loved those books! :heart: Must go search for them and take a photo… 💡

We’re told/advised to wear green to show our support. Hey, I did wear green! But, I think it’s kinda just all bullshit. After today, everybody is going back to their boring little lives and forget the whole message. We don’t need local actors and actresses to tell us they are “NOT EXAGGERATING” when probably all of them drive cars. More cars on the road = more pollution, no? It’s not like you’re going to trash out your car and take public transport to work tomorrow right?

7 concerts in 7 countries, just to create awareness. What happened to saving energy? The lights, sound equipment etc…they don’t need electricity to work? I bet most of the people watching the concerts (whether live or at home) are not bothered about “answering the call”. They probably just want to see that famous star perform. I’m not pointing fingers at others without pointing one at myself. I too, wanted to watch 大塚 愛 and 倖田 來未’s performances.

What I mean is, the end of the world is inevitable. Already the effects of global warming are getting worse each year. Why? Coz technology is becoming more and more advanced. Humans no longer use primitive methods to go about with their daily tasks. New gadgets are being invented each day which as time goes by, becomes a necessity in our lives. Yes, we can all do our little parts in delaying the end of the world but the question is, are you willing to? Until you have seriously thought about that, you can stop acting all smug about “answering the call”.

See, this entry is in green. I’m showing my support. :yay: Haha… :laugh: