the event and the list

by

After 3 days of little sleep, the event is finally over. I think the hardest part of the registration desk job was to keep awake while there is really nothing to do. I tried arranging the name tags, doodling on the note pad, testing the limit of my sight while checking out sponsor tables for freebies, talking to Cass, eating…I must say I really exhausted all possible ways of keeping myself occupied so that I would not fall asleep. All this was going on while Qing Xian was loading powerpoint presentations and happily surfing the net for haunted places in Singapore on Maru-chan in the ballroom. Argh…I really wanted to surf the net too~~~ My beloved Maru-chan~~~

I think the little sleep we got has taken its toll on Deary. He has fallen sick. Awwwwww… 🙁 From this event, I really saw how Deary is so serious about work. I think he really earned the respect and trust of his employer/ex-lecturer. I have much to learn and follow. I don’t know, maybe it’s a personal standard I set for myself. I don’t like to short-change my employer, so I want to make sure I do a perfect job. However, it seems like I always manage to screw up a little. *pokes self* I’m sure it also has something to do with my confidence problem. *sigh*

Work aside, I think I sort of have a clothes-buying list forming…mostly lolita stuff to match the pink sweet lolita dress I got from Body Line.

  1. White tights (preferably 80 denier)
  2. Frilly knee-high white socks
  3. Pink/White lolita bag
  4. White Mary-Jane lolita shoes
  5. White frilly long-sleeved blouse
  6. White frilly short-sleeved blouse
  7. Denim shorts
  8. Denim mini skirt

I discovered to my horror that there is a stitching error on the sleeve of my pink sweet lolita dress. I guess I will have to unpick a bit… Oh and the white long-sleeved blouse I got from Body Line, the lady kinda lied? It is a bit too big. *sigh*

Now that I have something of sweet lolita…I am thinking wa lolita next…

adv300

by

I got A+ for ADV300!!! Woohoo~~~

I was really worried for it. Deary says I’m becoming a worrywart. Can’t help it. I’m not smart; I only have commonsense. How I know? Coz people seem to get As effortlessly. They often say they have been slacking, but they last minute pia, that’s how they got their A. Shit, if I ever tried that, I would most probably get a B or C. I have to work so hard that I almost feel like dying before I see my A.

I often thought that you must want something so badly. Only then will you push yourself harder to get it. So, when I saw a lot of people handing in their work at the early deadline for the bonus 20 points, I got pretty worried. I couldn’t meet the early deadline and really was about to cry then. Did I not want it hard enough that’s why I didn’t push myself more?

arguments

by

I don’t like to argue coz I always lose anyway. Even if I have to lose, it’s ok. But if the situation ends up with people getting unhappy, then what for?

This reminds me of an article I read in my Anthropology textbook about arguments. “Conflict and opposition are as necessary as cooperation and agreement, but the scale is off balance, with conflict and opposition outweighted.” (Tannen 52) So, arguments are a way of getting better understanding and solving certain problems. “But with most arguments, little is resolved, worked out, or achieved when two people get angrier and less rational by the minute. When you’re having an argument with someone, you’re usually not trying to understand what the other person is saying, or what in their experience leads them to say it. Instead, you’re readying your response: listening for weaknesses in logic to leap on, points you can distort to make the other person look bad and yourself to look good.” (Tannen 54) In short, you just want to win.

Although I don’t really buy that totally, I think there is some truth to it.

By the way, that article is by Deborah Tannen, titled “Fighting for Our Lives”, and is found in “Annual Editions Anthropology 07/08”.

a little more sunshine

by

“ね、さくら満開~~~ ね、さくら満開~~~”　<<モーニング娘｡ さくら組　- さくら満開>>

Finally I get to settle down to writing a entry. It’s Spring yo. Warmer weather, flowers all bloomin’…I like~~~

SSA
I got the post of Web Director! :heart: I know I didn’t give a very convincing speech, but trust me, I’m very thankful I got the post.

Although there are just those few times I wish I didn’t get that post… It means greater responsibility. Sometimes I get scared I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations and I’ll be so ashamed of myself. Also, this is something which comes between deary and I. I don’t want to give this up coz it’s something I like to do, yet if it’s going to hurt our relationship, I’ll rather not have it. Although whatever has happened has passed now and we sort of settled it, I really hope things like that won’t have to happen again and again. I don’t want to have to keep feeling like I’m losing myself coz I’m trying to make the relationship work at the expense of my own happiness and my own true self.

Birthday
I spent a quiet birthday with deary. Although the weather was kinda crappy, deary managed to make me feel special. We had dinner at Olive Garden and later he spent some time with me.

I got a shock when I returned to my dorm. Jordan, Xincai, and Kang Jie came out of nowhere with a cake to surprise me. Hehe…deary planned it. Thanks for the cake and sweet gesture, my friends~~~

My RA got me a slice of cake too. 🙂

And to all those who left me birthday greetings, thanks! To 7ners: I miss you girls!

School
I couldn’t get into Japanese class…again. I’m so sad. 🙁

There was an earthquake on Friday. 4+am I woke up to a mildly shaking bed. In my sleepiness, I was wondering if I was just imagining it until the creaking of the wooden frame of my bed and the swaying of my bathrobe ties confirmed that it was real. Haha, finally something “happening” for boring ol’ Urbana-Champaign.

Relationship
Yes, there are sacrifices to be made. It’s kinda hard at times, but I believe we’ll overcome all obstacles together. For once, deary actually told me how he really felt. I felt kinda proud that I am a positive influence in his life. I also felt really blessed.

CJ said to enjoy the “honeymoon” period while it lasts. Yea, 3 months of honeymoon sweetness and we’re already passed 2 months. It kinda scares me a little. I don’t want to quarrel with deary and hurt each other. I think we both don’t want to lose each other.

爱越深，就越害怕失去。

I think it’s kinda impossible not to quarrel, but I pray to God that we’ll both be fine at the end of the day. I have faith in God that if he made us come together, he will help us grow as a couple and strengthen our relationship a little more each day. I also have faith in deary that we’ll treasure our relationship and work together to strengthen it.

monsters behind the masks?

by

I have to learn that people aren’t always what they seem. There’s always a hidden agenda…but, isn’t it tiring to keep up with a pretense all the time?

Is it wrong to see the goodness in everybody? (Well, until I get burnt real bad.)

I don’t want to name names or get nasty, so if you think you’ve been doing that, it’s time you reflect on what you’ve done and I shall reflect on what I’ve done. Oh, and in case anyone wants to start talking bad behind my back. I dare you to say it in my face. It’s called having the guts to do so.

best memory of spring break

by

Spring break is going to end very very soon and I hate it. Back to non-stop mugging and worrying. No more freedom to keep disturbing deary. What saddens me most is I’m going to see less of deary’s smile coz he’s sure to get all worried about schoolwork and exams just like before the break.

Best memory of Spring break? Deary’s smile.

wagamama janai!

by

Deary is going through a tough time with studies. I shouldn’t be disturbing him, but I wanna tell him some stuff that’s funny. 🙁 でも, I shouldn’t be so わがまま right?

わがままじゃない! めっちゃいやだ! *shakes head*

よっしゃ! 私もう勉強は頑張ります! –> I think I got the Japanese wrong for that. Sounds funny… Argh, stupid particles.

ai wa nani?

by

I’ve thought about this before. Even discussed it with Sis. It is Chloe’s recent post that makes me want to discuss this openly here.

CJ said I’ve changed. Hmmmm, as much as I want to deny it, I guess it is partly true. I feel I’m more 優しい。Hey, but if you piss me off, I will still bite. It’s not like I’ve become a totally different person. Of course, to deary I’m like totally totally 優しい。How should I explain it? I guess I’ve carefully built a wall all these years to protect myself. I don’t want to show anyone my fears coz I feel the need to be tough. I always had the thought that I needed to be tough coz I’m small sized and can be easily bullied. No way am I going to let myself be bullied just like that. Then, along came deary…and suddenly I wonder to myself, “gawd, am I becoming soft?” But, is it wrong to be soft?

Deary makes me want to share how I feel, my joys, sadness, fears etc. Even if it’s a very minute thing that happened today that made me feel happy, I want to tell deary. This was one of the things I replied to Chloe’s post when she wondered what love is. There’s also something else which has crossed my mind before. Sis and I always say that we are not born with good looks. Then, we discovered the wonders of make-up. Yes, I agree that make-up can make you look a lot better. At least, I think there’s colour to my face when I have foundation and powder on it. I haven’t really put on make-up since I came to USA. Well, it’s just going to school, why the hell do I need to doll myself up? Thing is, deary is looking at this un-made-up face of mine and still loves me. Well, he still talks about bikini babes and what-not, but I’m sure he’s not going to drop me and go after them. Hmmm…I will kok his head if he does. He wanna talk about some bikini babe, I can always talk about Massu lorz. Hehehe… Point is, love is looking beyond what’s on the surface. I can look like I just rolled out of bed and he’ll still love me for who I am. Ok, I bet he’ll laugh at me first, then say that he loves me. :laugh:

Love is when you’re angry, but you still worry that the person you love is upset. I don’t want to explain this one, but I’m sure deary knows what I’m talking about. Love is when you want the best for the person you love. Hell yea, I can’t count the number of times I worry that I’m affecting deary’s studies even though he says I’m not. You know, it’s just different. I can afford to be cui…well, not really and not that I want to, but deary is on scholarship and it will affect his career later on if he messes up his studies.

I guess love means different things to different people, so I can’t exactly teach Chloe what is love. I guess it’s one of those things where you’ll know when you get there.

Hmmm…but I think love does make you change. Suddenly I’m thinking about the future. A future where there’s not only me. It was a matter of time that deary would have to know about my JE fangirling. Not that I’m embarassed about it, whoa…I’m like a JE fangirl and damn proud of it. Just that I’ve been thinking about it. All that spending of money, if there’s only me to consider then of course, I don’t really have to think about it. But, I’m no longer alone. I’m considering us; I’m considering about my future husband. When I talk about future husband, I’m speaking in general. I can’t tell what will happen in the future, so I’m not making any promises of forever. Don’t get me wrong though, of course I do hope (and will work at it) for our relationship to carry on and get stronger.

Anyway, I suddenly wondered the meaning of buying all those stuff. Am I going to be doing this even when I’m 30? 40? 50? Is it just something I’ll outgrow after some time? I guess I’ll need to cut down on the JE fangirling. Don’t think deary or future husband will be too happy about me gushing 24/7 over same random guys. Hmmm, but I don’t care ar…Massu is still going to be on my room wall. I am Mrs Masuda afterall. :yay:

happy love love day

by

This is me panicking in the wee hours of the morning coz I have to study for a quiz and a mid-term exam and class starts at 8am and well, I’m not quite done.

What do I do when I’m supposed to be stuffing my brain with history of the Japanese and the works of the cells and proteins, but my brain keeps auto-playing Hikki’s “HEART STATION”? *to brain* LIKE STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!! *jumps around*

On a lighter note, happy :love: day! No, I DO NOT have a hot date coz my day is packed full with classes, but I do hope I’m not going to be spending it alone this year. *winks* Then again, what difference does it make if I spend it alone? Heck, I’ve been doing that for years now. Ok, I’ve gotta admit it just sucks when everyone’s got someone to cosy up to and I just have my lonesome self. Hmmmm…maybe not so when I see happy couples and the smiles on their faces. Yupz, cherish your partner. *nods*