for so long…so long

by

I’m not sure if I should go on a hiatus. I don’t get much computer time anymore. When I get to use the computer, I’ve got other things to do…blogging becomes last priority and I never get to it in the end. When I want to blog, I don’t have access to my computer.

I’m still trying to figure out my own emotions. It was a momentary release when my grandparents went back to Malaysia for 6 days or so. No, it was a momentary release for 3 of us (Mum, Sis and I). I felt I could breathe again. I didn’t have to feel guilty for once and I could go around the house doing the things I wanted to. I didn’t have to feel like I was keeping my temper in check all the time. Although I hate that I have to be like that, I can’t help it. All the disappointment just sums up. I don’t feel like talking to my own grandparents. How fuckin’ sad is that?

At work, I just go about doing my work and stop thinking about my own emotions. I guess it’s to numb out what I feel. Anyway, at work there’s always other things to worry about. Like whether I’m doing things right and that I should keep mistakes at a minimum.

Oh by the way, I’m still in NTUC Income. I was going to quit but they offered an admin position. So I’m in the Motor Processing team now. Basically, I just key in data for Motor insurance proposals and issue Motor insurance policies. Of course, data entry is always a boring job coz it’s routine but I think I much prefer that to being a call agent. At least I don’t feel like murdering anyone anymore.

I’m on an AAA high again. I just asked Ling to help me get their 2nd and 3rd concert dvds at Narita airport if she manages to find them. Thank God she’s only transiting or else I would have asked her to get me a lot more stuff and she’ll hate me for that. Heehee~~~ I got their 2nd album with dvd from Mariyanto’s friend. Happy~~~

I’ll be broke this month. I spent $200+ on NewS. So happy that they are back. I still remember listening to “Dreams” and getting a little emotional. Ordered stuff from this year’s spring con (I won’t get to go anyway…) + their new single (both normal and limited editions) + 2007 calendar. Kinda pissed off that I ordered Jrs calendar coz I thought NewS wasn’t going to have their own calendar. Guess I’ll sell it off later if I don’t want it. I kinda have this small nagging feeling that Kusano and Uchi are not coming back and that NewS will remain as a 6-man group. Hope I’m wrong… Anyway, thanks to Celestine for helping me get Massu’s uchiwa from Countdown concert. 🙂

Magazines will be coming in this Friday. Mise was closed yesterday…so no Miso Soup till next weekend. So much for getting high in HMV when I saw Miso Soup on the shelf. 

NewS released a new pv for サヤエンドウ! Ain’t that great though coz it’s mostly scenes from last year’s spring con. And sorry Massu, Shige looked the most handsome in spring con while singing サヤエンドウ. But Massu as usual, you made me laugh.

I finished watching “궁“. *victory sign* Very enjoyable korean drama. *dreamy look* Conquering “タイヨのうた” next. 沢尻 エリカ looks very different in タイヨのうた. Way more grown up than in １リットルの涙.

Was kinda happy when I saw NANA anime episodes uploaded in clubbox. But alas, my happiness was shortlived. It refused to download. Damn. Cathay should really bring in the NANA movie. What are you guys waiting for? It was already featured in the Singapore news. BRING IT IN!!! Sidenote, Ling also thinks that 市川由衣 doesn’t suit the role of 小松奈々 in NANA2.

Lastly, merry christmas, happy birthday, happy new year, happy whatever…all the occasions I missed wishing here. I missed blogging about Wawa’s, Chloe’s, Yui’s, PK’s, CJ’s, Sis’s birthdays. I missed blogging on XW and Paul’s wedding. Congratulations to both of you. I missed blogging on 7ners gathering at Albert Court Hotel. Things which I don’t feel like blogging anymore. No reason why. Once the feeling is gone, it’s gone.

disappointments in life

by

Disappointment 1
我很不甘愿…

I put in more effort this time but…sigh. I got a much higher score for the Math portion. But the Verbal and Writing sections are worse.

Last night, Dad showed me my cousin’s grades. I know he didn’t mean to remind me of my way lousier grades but it did hurt me. *tries to do the Mr-D-confidence chant*

At that moment, Mdm Pey’s words rang in my ears. “如果你不满意你的成绩，你可以重考。” It has been 5 years since but the memory is fresh. I remember crying over my C5 O’level chinese grade. Although I didn’t work that hard but with my constant B3 chinese grade at tests both in school and tuition, I was sure that even if I didn’t get a B3 grade, I would get B4. It was a rude shock to see that C5 staring back at me. I didn’t retake the exam in the end as my A Maths was in a more urgent state of saving.

Facing my SAT results was like seeing history repeat itself. Except, I don’t think I’m going to retake it. Twice is enough.

Disappointment 2
To find out that someone may not be as nice as he/she seems is a disappointment. To find out that that someone is your own relative is hurting.

That person is now living in my home. I don’t know how to face her. The feeling is numb. I know that everyone has that bit of selfishness in them to secure their place in this world. But using that bit of selfishness on your own family is kinda hurting.

I wish I didn’t have to look at you this way but sometimes your demands are too much and out of this world. It pains me to see my mummy being bullied. I hate to see daddy being torn between letting you have your way and agreeing to mummy in the first place.

Sad to say, the person is my grandma.

Disappointment 3
二姑 is not well – emotionally and physically. She hasn’t been since Uncle Ling passed away. Her brothers and sister are trying to get medical help for her. Anger and disappointment in each other.

Me being the “email archive”, I was disappointed to read that my uncle expects my cousin to be responsible for everything from now on. Sure, she has to take care of her mum now and she has to grow up a little faster than others but has it ever occurred to you that she is still young and has her own problems to face? It’s not about “she has to this and she has to that”. It’s about talking to her and understanding what she is facing as well. Let her enjoy her time as a youth.

I remember telling sensei (Kelvin) that time never healed wounds, it only gave us experience. However, I pray that God will ease the emotional pain.

Disappointment 4
I’m disappointed in a friend’s actions.

getting ready to go go go

by

It’s a mad rush around the house everytime we’re going off on a holiday. Grabbing this and that, stuffing them into the bags. Lots of frowning, getting frustrated that nothing must be left out. And here I am trying my best to keep calm and not get influenced by the other members of the family.

I guess getting annoyed and frustrated will not help the situation. You’re only bound to forget more things. Our family also always end up looking like we’re going on a 5 month vacation when we’re only going to be away for 3 weeks. Ok, I’m exaggerating a little but the number and size of our bags always don’t quite match up with the number of days our trip is. Ah, but that’s just my family.

With my clothing and toiletries taken care of by Mum, meaning that all those stuff goes into the huge suitcases, my own bag usually contains my other personal necessities and entertainment. Which I’m also careful not to pack in too much coz I need the space when I’m coming home. Need to pack in all the things bought there! :laugh:

So there. I’ll be away for some time which also means that there’s going to be no update till I come home. Duh. Well, I’m going to miss the finals of SuperBand AND National Day. Speaking of which, I haven’t visited the website for NDP 2006.

performances and all

by

I was too tired to blog on Saturday or yesterday.

Saturday, we were supposed to watch Lucify perform at the *scape event. But both of us overslept so gave it a miss. We still went down later and managed to catch the appearance of the 10 finalists of Singapore Idol 2. Not that I wanted to see them. Sis wanted to see Jonathan Leong. Please tell me what’s so good about him?

We were supposed to meet Carol but we had to leave coz Mum called to say that grandpa had a fall and has been sent to the hospital. Went to the hospital. Waited around. Got hungry. Bought toast from the machine – the same one found at Mediacorp. Quite tasty. Waited some more. Managed to see grandpa before they found a room for him to get warded into. 

Pardon my bad memory but my memory of grandpa sort of stops at the time when I was a kid. The photo on the fridge magnet on the refrigerator. Perhaps that’s what the mind does best, block out all the bad stuff and only leave the good memories behind. I think that was the time when we were closest to our grandparents. As we grew up, we sort of drifted apart. So when I saw him lying on the bed, looking all thin and frail, I couldn’t help but wonder when did he become like that? He hardly responds. We wonder whether he even recognises us coz he has dementia. So sometimes he registers, sometimes he’s off.

After the hospital visit, we rushed down for 静爆乐团’s performance at Telok Ayer CC. I never knew the speaker’s corner looked so grand. All along I thought it just consisted of a signpost to mark out the area. The speaker will have to bring his own chair to stand on. Building a damn speaker’s corner is so blardee ironic. Talk about freedom of speech. Haha…by the time you get to the end of the rules and regulations, you can crush up your paper filled with the points to rant and rave about. Just pack up and go home.

Ah, but I have digressed. So I suppose the speaker’s corner is now used as a stage for performances like the one we were there to watch. 静爆 sang “Wake Up (拼了)” AGAIN. I’m sorry lahz, but I CANNOT STAND them singing it. *jumps up and down, hands covering ears* If you STILL don’t know what I’m talking about, check out one of the older entries. And guess what? I actually took a video clip of them singing it. Till now I can’t understand why I took that clip. *shakes head in denial*

Yesterday, Sis being all sore that we missed Lucify’s performance the day before, made sure we didn’t miss their appearance at Bishan J8. Haha…but they didn’t perform. All they did was pose for photos and answer a few questions about how they felt being in the grand finals. Is this some sort of promotion for the grand finals?

So, the 4 groups had to pose for photos. Cuifang decided to make them pose ala neoprint 16-shot style. Except they only had to pose 4 times, each pose lasting for 5 seconds. 迷路兵’s 4 poses were so original. :laugh: Who would have thought of that? Didn’t take photos of J3. Sorry manz, I don’t really like them. Too many photos so click to see each set.

  1. Lucify
  2. Soul
  3. 迷路兵

At night after shopping, we went to watch Defuse perform at Youth Park. It wasn’t the best performance as Leonard announced that they would be taking a break after that performance. Sort of like on hiatus. Reason being his vocals have been affected by all the smoking so he needs the time to heal. His words could have made you go all teary if you were a big fan of theirs (I’m not lahz) but the way he said it, somehow I got this very very bad feeling that they might disappear after going on hiatus.

You hear those words, you expect him to have finally understood how his band members felt about his smoking habit. Saying all those stuff about him realising that his smoking has affected his vocals and sort of regret not listening to his band members advice. The next minute, he’s at the corner lighting a cigarette. -_-||| What’s the point then?

 

Anyway, Leonard’s Hello Kitty guitar is cute. :laugh:

when we question about life

by

Following the link from Pwen’s blog, I got to this site which is very interesting. Didn’t believe I would read all 27 chapters of it but yea, I did. It talks about the Chernobyl disaster and life in that area after that.

This sentence in Chapter 2 made strong thoughts form in my mind. I was actually bursting to tell someone about it. But the people who would discuss this were either a) asleep, b) talking on the phone and c) well, just not around. So what to do? Pick someone at random on MSN. Yew Seng…who ended up…not answering me. -_-|||

Quote “In keeping with a long tradition of Soviet justice, they imprisoned all the people who worked on that shift – regardless of their guilt. The man who tried to stop the chain reaction in a last desperate attempt to avoid the meltdown was sentenced to 14 years in prison. He died 3 weeks later.”

My thoughts:
Humans are fuckin’ stupid. Why the fuck go sentence the guy to 14 years imprisonment when he’s probably going to die of radiation in a matter of days? Like he’s not suffering already. Yea, way to go manz. *rolls eyes*

Open the room door. YES! Dad’s still awake. Finally, someone whom I know will discuss this with me. *teary eyes*

He said that’s coz they need to make someone the scapegoat. Whatever happens, SOMEONE needs to shoulder the responsibility or rather, be blamed for it. I didn’t quite get what he meant at first but upon further questioning… It’s like how the boss never gets the blame but the small frys get the worst. So I said, “like the government?” Which was precisely what he meant.

I came to the later chapters which described this town where all the people were evacuated. It’s practically a ghost town.

Quote “This town might be an attractive place for tourists. Some tourists companies have been trying to arrange tours in this town, but the first group of tourists found the silence unnerving and downright SPOOKY. And it is. They charged 1200 hryvnas for a 2 hour excursion and after some 15 minutes, they wanted to flee to the outside world. The silence here is deafening.”

Reading on and looking at all the photos, it IS kinda spooky since time really seemed to stand still for this town. Calendars hung on walls are from some 20 years ago. Decorations put up to celebrate Labour Day…a day which never came for this town.

The town would only be ready to be re-populated after 600 years. But by then, the people who are going to live there probably won’t feel anything much for the town and its sad memories. Simply coz the people aren’t descendants of the original population. In case you’re wondering why, the original population would have died of radiation. Even if they did reproduce their next generation, how long would this go on? Their children would either be born deformed or have a short life.

I told Dad my thoughts. We need experiments to learn about things. Whatever those people were trying to do, they were doing it to learn something new. To prove a theory. If you don’t try, how would you know? But the sad thing is, failure does happen at times. And in this case, this failure cost the lives of thousands of people. Sad isn’t it?

I went on to tell him about what Per and I talked about some time ago. The lack of friends to discuss matters like these. No offence to anybody but I do have friends who refuse to discuss such stuff. Partly coz they find it profound? But I don’t understand why people refuse to think and question? Is it so hard to do so? To me, it’s just linking thoughts with events happening around the world. If we don’t question then how do we learn? Which is why I get pretty frustrated when people watch certain “thinking” movies just for pure entertainment value and later say it’s boring. Why do you think it’s boring? Coz there’s not enough action? Not enough blood and gore? Not enough romance? It does not follow the usual storyline – introduction, problem, happily ever after?

Dad presented his theory. Don’t laugh ok…I’m sure everyone has little theories of their own.

He said people can be classified under 10 different levels. 1 being the “earthy” people. With their nose to the ground, like hogs sniffing out truffles. They only worry whether they have a roof over their head, when their next meal is and how much money to make. 10 being the saints. Eyes fixed on the skies. They only think about their next life and reaching heaven. The last they worry about is food and money. Then there are the people who are in-between. Those are the ones who think and question about all sorts of things. People like us (him and me).

Per, you gotta give it up to my 老爸 for this little theory of his. Haha…I love my dad when we discuss such matters. He always gives me answers or new things to think about when I ask him questions. :laugh:

i can afford it

by

Something’s different about today. While everyone is blogging about how they spent Mother’s Day, our family did nothing. As in, we went about doing things like it was just a normal day. I haven’t asked Dad why we didn’t celebrate since the past Mother’s Days we go out for a meal at a nice restaurant.

Hmmm…I didn’t buy Mum anything. Or maybe I haven’t really gone out to look for something. No effort being made? But of course I don’t believe in buying something for the sake of it. It must be something chosen with much thought.

I went to Per’s degree show instead. The last 20 minutes of it. And helped her take down everything. After she had a small celebration with her friends, we went down to Mise to collect Sis’s magazines that she reserved. Walked down to Wheelock to have dinner at Nooch. But the place was gone so we settled for this Japanese restaurant.

I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive but sometimes I think some service staff look at us differently. Like stereotype. Just coz we look like students, they think we have no money. They have this “are you sure you can afford eating here?” kinda look which irritates me a lot. If I can’t afford it, I wouldn’t be stepping in here already. I would have chosen to eat at Mac or something. :angry: :angry: :angry: By the way, the food at Mac isn’t getting cheaper. So don’t think you’ve won or something. *rolls eyes*

Makes me feel like taking a wad of $50 bills and slapping them in the face with it. Except that I don’t have that kind of money. HAHAHA… But the point is, whether I look like a student or not, I’m still your customer.

Thinking about it. My sense can’t be wrong. Just like the time I asked sensei about something to confirm that I’m right about it. He said that I might be wrong but time proved that I was right. It’s just women and their “sixth sense”.

nijuuichi

by

Supposed to have a birthday post but was too tired after all the celebrating and all. Anyway, happy belated birthday 剛くんとMandy Mooreと私. I share the same birthday with a few stars. Hahaha…

Dinner with 7ners at Ramen Ten in Far East Plaza. Luckily no showers of blessing again.

People expect 21st birthdays to be celebrated in style. Throw a huge party, invite almost every friend you know, have a blast. But I chose to have a quiet one. Same like the past 2 years? I don’t want to invite people and then they turn up just coz but after that, they probably don’t even remember when’s my birthday anymore. It’ll be even better if someone just surprises me by remembering my birthday and call me up to say “hey, let’s have lunch or dinner together to celebrate.” But I think what makes this year’s birthday all the more memorable would have to be the cake.

Per baked it. :heart: :heart: :heart: So sweet! Both the thought and literally. Hahaha… Sof told me, but she didn’t need to tell me coz I could guess from the Japanese words on the cake. It was pretty sweet so some of us had a hard time finishing their slice. I personally thought it was a little sweet but fine if I had some water to down after eating it so I won’t get a sore throat. Anyway, I told Sis that even if it tasted way horrible I would still eat it. Coz it’s the thought and effort that went into baking it. :love:

Me doing the famous “手越です!” handsign with my present from the 7ners. It’s a Fossil watch. Photos of the watch further down. The box was specially chosen by Per. :heart: She was asking me to guess why she chose that box. I stared at the picture on the box for awhile…rollerskates… Then I figured out why. Confirmed it by asking her whether it had something to do with Massu. Yes. Massu is like a famous rollerskates/rollerblades boy in JE. Thanks Per for putting in so much thought even for the box. *big hugz* Oh…the little tiara is supposed to be passed down to each 7ner for their 21st birthday. Jo having received it first.

My presents for this year’s birthday. It began with the 2 pendants from my grandma. I’ve been wearing one ever since it was bought, weeks before my birthday. It’s a heart-shaped case with a movable diamond inside. The other is 2 dragonflies. Red packets from my aunt and Mum. Mum also topped up my bank account so it would not hit danger zone. Hehe…


Pooh bear! Another tami from Xianglin! She couldn’t get the one from Tomy coz it was sold out. This one’s from Sega but it’s just as cute. Sorry, my fascination for tamis will never die. Thanks best friend!!! *big hugz*


Closer look at the Fossil watch from 7ners. Gotta go remove some links though. My wrist is small. :rofl:


A pretty handphone strap from Joyce. It can be removed and used as a pendant as well. I was thinking what to remove on my overcrowded handphone but I guess I could also remove each heart and use it as charms for my charm bracelet? Thanks Joyce for the lovely present. *big hugz*

Thanks to Pwen, Cas and Cheng Huat for birthday wishes via sms. Pwen being the first one and all the way from Australia. I :heart: you!!! Thanks to Melanie for her birthday wish via friendster. Thanks to Ling for her birthday wish via her blog. Thanks to my family for making sure I had my blackforest cake. HAH! Sis and I won the battle of whether the fruits in the blackforest cake are blueberries or cherries. Check here if you don’t believe it.

yellow teardrop

by

This is like part 2 of the previous post. I received my second little cake. This time from Aunty Hui Chuen. She insisted on buying something for me. She settled on the little yellow mango cake. Gave her a hug when I left. I’ll definitely miss the times we worked together. T_T

Everytime I leave a workplace, I feel a little stab of sadness. But I guess this isn’t going to be that bad since I live nearby and can always go down to see them anytime.

Celebrated my grandma’s birthday today.

happy cny

by

Happy Chinese New Year to all my blog readers! The time to eat and get fat on all the goodies. I’m getting quite sick of eating after 3 days of full lunches/dinners. I bet we have tossed enough 鱼生 to ensure this year’s prosperity. Yea, I NEED MORE MONEY!!! But we all do.

Meeting all my relatives can be quite a happy yet tiring thing to do. I envy friends who are so close to their cousins. Sad to say, Sis and I are not close to our cousins. Mostly coz we don’t want to. There are the ones who simply lack manners. You don’t go to someone’s house and enter their rooms or touch their things without permission. Worse, use your dirty/oily fingers to touch things without permission.

Anyway, this CNY has proved to be a “painful” (literally) one. For the first time, I had mense cramps which refused to go away until today. What luck to get the “ribena falls” during this time. Pimples start popping out. To make things worse, I didn’t really have the time to shop for new clothes so I had to make-do with whatever’s in my wardrobe already. One or 2 pieces of clothing was new but the colour was unsuitable to be worn during CNY. So the whole time, I’m just feeling so unglamourous. Bleargh.

Now for some photos…


My uncle’s dog, Buddy. Year of the dog…his year!

Remember I posted a photo of my cute second cousin, Lee Ann quite some time ago. The little lady is now three-and-a-half and still extremely cute. Couldn’t manage to get a nice shot of her coz when Sis asked her to smile for a photo, she just said “No more photos, I’m tired.” CUTE!!!


Lee Ann, Heather and Uncle Ron. Lee Ann’s idea of a smile is to give the widest grin. So cute!


The nicest shot we got of Lee Ann.

KAT-TUN is going to debut soon! FINALLY! God knows what Johnny-san has been thinking all this while. おめでとう!!!

やばい! I forgot all about the Samsung funclub points. Today is the last day to use up the points!

I just checked. My ripway account has been deleted. So all images in old entries are now broken. Cannot be bothered to re-upload anything. Besides, some images have not been backed up.