still alive

Using the computer in the student lounge in the university. Man Ling and I are waiting for a friend so we can go for lunch together.

It feels great to have a fellow Singaporean to talk to. I think I am her company in this foreign land. Hahaha…I make it sound like we’re stuck in some hellhole. No, we’re fine. She’s really nice. Letting me follow her around to her classes. Just came out from a lab lesson actually.

I think in this short period of just 2 days, I have learnt quite a bit about the way lessons are taught here. For too long have we been used to the spoon-feeding method. Here, things are different. You really have to help yourself by reading up the lesson beforehand. Else, you’ll really get lost in the lectures and tutorials. Trust me, I sat through an Introduction to Computer Systems lecture which was teaching on binary numbers – same as the Computing Mathematics subject I studied in first year of poly, even though I remember learning that stuff, I was getting lost in the lecture here. The way it’s taught is totally different. Back home, lecturers teach the subject right down to the nitty gritty stuff. Right down to the details. Do the calculations number by number. Here, you have to think fast, write fast, digest fast. By the end of the lesson, you’ll probably think “OMG…”

Alrighty, got to go now. Will talk more later…

i am alive

Yes, I’m alive and well in the States. My uncle has kindly lent me one of their many laptops to work on, check my email etc. The laptops must be really cheap here coz no way is someone going to have at least 5 laptops around their house back in Singapore. Even getting 2 desktops is going to make your mum grumble about the amount of money she has to fork out. Not to mention getting internet connection for both plus the electricity bills.

Anyway, I survived the long plane ride here. No jet lag. Now, don’t be surprised coz I hardly slept on the plane. I always find it hard to sleep sitting up. Too used to sleeping on my side so I need something to lean on. Each time I looked at myself in the toilet mirror, Jiemin’s favourite words come to my mind. “Hello, my name is Jin Ai Kun (meaning always feeling sleepy in hokkien) and I have natural eyeshadow.”

Once, my aunt tried to sneak me in to the business class section to let me get some proper sleep. Yea, my aunt and uncle were sitting in the business class. After 4 hours, I got awoken by a black stewardess. The way she got me to listen to what she had to say…was she rude or what? She wriggled her finger to make me sit up from my lying down position. Then she told me I couldn’t just come and sit here as I like. WTF! I know I look like a kid to you, but I’m NOT!!! So please talk to me politely, it’s not like I’m going to be difficult. I do understand your position as well.

Mum told me to be careful since Asians are a minority here and there are some pretty racist people around. Wah lau, these people wouldn’t stand a chance if they were in Singapore. Simply coz we have a more colourful language and we are smart. So smart that we’ll take your picture with our trusty handphone and post it up on forums so everyone can shame you. And really, we Singaporeans are so kiasu and kaypoh enough to be united in such things. Which come to think of it isn’t always a bad idea since it comes in handy at such times.

The weather here is hot since it’s still summer. But it’s not that much of a killer. It’s hot and dry so you don’t perspire that much. What a relief coz I hate getting my back all wet. The temperature drops in the night to more like air-con temperature so it’s fine to sleep without the air-con or fan and the windows open. Don’t really need a blanket too.

So far, I’ve gone on a tour of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Toured the school on Friday. The campus is HUGE! It’s really a town of its own. The school even owns the airport – not the one I arrived at in Chicago, the little one in Champaign. And what’s even cooler, the top floor of the union house is a hotel. The shops around the campus is called University Town and is catered for the students. 😡

Checked out the Singapore Students Association website for activities as advised by my aunt. Couldn’t find any listed activities on the site but found a link for their forum. Haha…being a typical kaypoh Singaporean, I checked that out. Found out they were meeting for potluck on Saturday. Aunty just announced matter-of-factly that we were going to gatecrash their party. :rofl: Ehz…we aren’t freeloaders ok…aunty bought a cake. Haha…

So I got to meet the Singaporeans in U of I. Sort of felt at home and out of place at the same time. At home coz it’s a relief to hear people speaking like me. All the lahs and lors. Kinda out of place coz everyone seemed come from some top JC. But anyhow, everyone’s nice. And one of the freshmen girls, Man Ling has agreed to let me shadow her for all her classes this coming week.

How come everyone knows what they want to do and I don’t? 😥

soon leaving again

Have this nagging feeling that I won’t have time to blog about my Japan trip. I’m left with tomorrow only. After which, I’ll be leaving for the States. Away for one month.

Gawd, I feel like I’m floating around again. Disoriented. Things are moving too fast and I’m just too slow.

be like me

Late night entry. Supposed to post up the little pic I did for Shinya’s 23rd but I don’t want to lump it with my thoughts below. Just doesn’t seem right to. I’ll post up the pic later.

I read friends’ blogs saying that they’re so confused coz they are still single but they don’t wanna be. Else, they’re in love with someone but it’s sort of turning to be one-sided and well, they’re down in the dumps.

Seriously speaking, I’m kinda numb about love now. Before this, I couldn’t bring myself to tell people that I’ve been rejected before when they asked. It seemed too embarassing. But hell, so what? It happened twice. Yes, you read it right. TWICE.

After that, I told myself to stop believing in fairytales coz fuck manz, this is REALITY. No matter how you denied that looks didn’t matter, somehow they did. We live in a pick n’ choose world whether you like it or not.

I’m not ruling out the fact that I’m still attracted to certain guys. But the point is not to hope for much. Coz the more you hope, when rejection comes, it will cut deeper. I’m tired of feeling all torn up inside. So, the moment I feel myself summoning up those emotions, the next moment I’ll be blocking some out.

If it happens then well, I’ll just count myself lucky. Else, damnit…just move on. And don’t try to tell me, it’ll happen soon. How do you expect me to believe in that? *rolls eyes* For goodness sake, I’m already 21. Are you trying to gloat about it?

So to all my girl friends who are already attached, you lucky bitches. To my other girl friends who are and have been single (so far), take my advice…be like me, the disillusioned freak.

performances and all

I was too tired to blog on Saturday or yesterday.

Saturday, we were supposed to watch Lucify perform at the *scape event. But both of us overslept so gave it a miss. We still went down later and managed to catch the appearance of the 10 finalists of Singapore Idol 2. Not that I wanted to see them. Sis wanted to see Jonathan Leong. Please tell me what’s so good about him?

We were supposed to meet Carol but we had to leave coz Mum called to say that grandpa had a fall and has been sent to the hospital. Went to the hospital. Waited around. Got hungry. Bought toast from the machine – the same one found at Mediacorp. Quite tasty. Waited some more. Managed to see grandpa before they found a room for him to get warded into. 

Pardon my bad memory but my memory of grandpa sort of stops at the time when I was a kid. The photo on the fridge magnet on the refrigerator. Perhaps that’s what the mind does best, block out all the bad stuff and only leave the good memories behind. I think that was the time when we were closest to our grandparents. As we grew up, we sort of drifted apart. So when I saw him lying on the bed, looking all thin and frail, I couldn’t help but wonder when did he become like that? He hardly responds. We wonder whether he even recognises us coz he has dementia. So sometimes he registers, sometimes he’s off.

After the hospital visit, we rushed down for 静爆乐团’s performance at Telok Ayer CC. I never knew the speaker’s corner looked so grand. All along I thought it just consisted of a signpost to mark out the area. The speaker will have to bring his own chair to stand on. Building a damn speaker’s corner is so blardee ironic. Talk about freedom of speech. Haha…by the time you get to the end of the rules and regulations, you can crush up your paper filled with the points to rant and rave about. Just pack up and go home.

Ah, but I have digressed. So I suppose the speaker’s corner is now used as a stage for performances like the one we were there to watch. 静爆 sang “Wake Up (拼了)” AGAIN. I’m sorry lahz, but I CANNOT STAND them singing it. *jumps up and down, hands covering ears* If you STILL don’t know what I’m talking about, check out one of the older entries. And guess what? I actually took a video clip of them singing it. Till now I can’t understand why I took that clip. *shakes head in denial*

Yesterday, Sis being all sore that we missed Lucify’s performance the day before, made sure we didn’t miss their appearance at Bishan J8. Haha…but they didn’t perform. All they did was pose for photos and answer a few questions about how they felt being in the grand finals. Is this some sort of promotion for the grand finals?

So, the 4 groups had to pose for photos. Cuifang decided to make them pose ala neoprint 16-shot style. Except they only had to pose 4 times, each pose lasting for 5 seconds. 迷路兵’s 4 poses were so original. :laugh: Who would have thought of that? Didn’t take photos of J3. Sorry manz, I don’t really like them. Too many photos so click to see each set.

  1. Lucify
  2. Soul
  3. 迷路兵

At night after shopping, we went to watch Defuse perform at Youth Park. It wasn’t the best performance as Leonard announced that they would be taking a break after that performance. Sort of like on hiatus. Reason being his vocals have been affected by all the smoking so he needs the time to heal. His words could have made you go all teary if you were a big fan of theirs (I’m not lahz) but the way he said it, somehow I got this very very bad feeling that they might disappear after going on hiatus.

You hear those words, you expect him to have finally understood how his band members felt about his smoking habit. Saying all those stuff about him realising that his smoking has affected his vocals and sort of regret not listening to his band members advice. The next minute, he’s at the corner lighting a cigarette. -_-||| What’s the point then?

 

Anyway, Leonard’s Hello Kitty guitar is cute. :laugh:

last recording

A photo taken at JW’s farewell dinner…hehe…Up + JW = “gay couple”.

Went to the SuperBand recording yesterday. Last one I’ll ever go to coz the next one will be the finals and I’ll be happily eating and shopping in Japan. HAHAHA…

You know, I would like to blog about everything but I’m trying to control my temper here. And then it just comes down to…angry also like that, don’t get angry also like that. So 算了吧。。。

Before the recording, went down to Taka to watch 静爆乐团’s performance. Not that I really wanted to be there but Sis wanted to…

And they sang 柯有伦’s “Wake Up (拼了)”. *pengz* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… I love this song so much coz of the emotion in it. But I cannot tahan 静爆’s rendition of it. Simply coz they don’t inject the right emotion into the song. Reading the lyrics…the song has this very 无奈的感觉。 When it was used in the drama “求婚事务所”, it had this very Romeo and Juliet feeling. The feeling between 2 lovers that you just have to get together, no matter how many difficulties you will have to face coz of the love you have for each other. When I watched the mtv for the song, I believe 柯有伦 sang it to express the feeling he had inside when his father passed away. The feeling that that someone so dear to you has moved away, the pain and the loss. The wish to see that someone again.

SuperBand recording was ok. Soul sang DBSK’s “Rising Sun”. But they didn’t sing the part I like…the part where everyone goes “somebody talk”. Bloop bloop bloop… Well, I would be lying if I said they did a great job out of it. Especially the last line “waiting for the rising SUN~~~”. C’mon, if you’ve heard Changmin sing that part, you’ll have gone “Whoa…” I don’t expect Soul to be as good as DBSK coz DBSK are already pros and all. Didn’t expect much to begin with since Sis and I knew this song really isn’t easy to sing. Haha…but Soul knew that to cover up their vocal flaws, they could wow the judges with their dance. Their ero ero dance (ok lahz…not that really ero ero but a little…). :laugh:

So now that a group has finally sung a mandarin version of an originally Japanese/Korean song. Hahaha…would love to see Brods tackle Tackey & Tsubasa’s “Venus”, complete with the dance/hand moves. In case you didn’t know, T&T did sing a mandarin version of that song.

Well then, good luck to all the bands/groups. I must say that it’s a tough competition at this point coz everyone is good.

No photos taken coz was feeling tired…considering that I only slept 2 hours.

unleash the anger in you

Nothing much going on these few days. I’m trying to download Massu’s new drama and still clear out my hard drive. It’s an ongoing process… :laugh:

We had a farewell dinner for JW on Wednesday as he’ll be leaving for Australia tomorrow. Went to Eatz19 at Bugis.

Tomorrow is the last day of the Hokkaido fair at TM. I don’t really want it to end yet I want it to end. Don’t really want it to end coz I love the food!!! :heart: The purin, dango, onigiri, soft cream, croquette…KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~ But I also want it to end coz the crowd irritates me. :glare:

Talking about people who irritate the hell outta me. I was paying up for some stuff at the express lane at NTUC when this uncle at the counter next to mine bent over to tell the cashier he wanted Winston cigarettes. She couldn’t find the right box in the rows of cigarette boxes. So he was exclaiming pretty loudly “Winston…WIN-STON”…hell, he was yelling it right in my ear. I HATE HATE HATE people yelling right in my ear. :angry: :angry: :angry: FUCK MANZ. UNCLE, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DAMN WINSTON CIGGIES AND GO TO HELL LAHZ! Or maybe that’ll be the last pack you’ll ever smoke coz after that I hope you get lung cancer and die.

That’s much better now. I believe you have to let the anger out… *smiles sweetly*

kuro-chan

[edited at 11.46pm]
I suddenly realised that my ringtone is quite ironic. It’s like before I actually hear my mum’s voice nagging me to go home, I already get the message. Hahaha… :laugh:
[edited] 

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you…Kuro-chan!

No, I do not have a habit of naming my belongings. I happened to fiddle around with the phone and found this option for “bluetooth profile”. The default was the model number which is kinda uncool. So I decided to name it “kuro-chan”. Duh…coz the phone is black. The good thing is, this new phone can be used in Japan. Essential since our family has sort of made Japan our yearly holiday destination. It will be used to keep in contact with each other should we move around on our own.

I couldn’t bear to leave my Osaka Kaiyukan handphone strap on my old phone. The handphone strap with the hearts was my birthday gift from Joyce. Right now, Gaki-san has the honour of being my handphone wallpaper. Previously it was Ai-chan but I thought Gaki-san looked cuter. The picture coming from her second photobook. Ringtone is set to ∞SAKAおばちゃんROCK…although it doesn’t really make a difference coz the ringing seems to be shorter so I only get to hear Hina yelling his “他所は他所! 家は家!” bit and beginnings of the song.

Haven’t gotten the photos Cas and Xiuwei took at Yingwei and Clare’s wedding. I’ll post some up and talk about it once I get them. Gonna have to wait some time though coz Cas’s computer is down.

I missed the results for this week’s round of SuperBand. Too tired so went to lie down for awhile, not knowing that I’ll actually sleep for at least 2 hours. Anyway, Sis told me it was down to Lucify and 馒头. And Lucify made it. From now on, it’s going to be a tough fight…

Psycho number 1 has decided to wage war against Sis. Haha…think we’re scared? I say, BRING IT ON!!! Personally, I think you’re damn FAKE. Your so-called friendships are built upon your whims and fancies. One day you feel like being chummy, the next you’ve thrown your “friends” to one side and probably use every bad word under the sun to describe them. And you think we’ll come running to you, begging you not to leave us? DREAM ON. *rolls eyes* Gawd, rolling my eyes doesn’t even come close to how I view this whole situation. More like digging my eyes out and rolling them on the table like dice. You act as if you own them. Honey, they are humans not objects. They have every right to make their own decisions. Seriously, I pity you for having such behaviour.

i really thought…

“我们的动作和说的话造成了彼此的误会与伤害。在那瞬间,我真的以为我就会这样失去了你这个好朋友。想着想着,我的眼泪就流了下来。朋友,真的对不起。。。”

The Lucify outing held on Saturday was (to me) kinda disastrous. From a dinner, it finally became a phototaking session. There was no difference from a recording day except that the sky was directly above us and not a ceiling. I mean I do appreciate the hard work of the organisers for this outing but I think it’s better to limit the number of people for the outing to make it more memorable…

Went to the recording for the revival round on Sunday. I happened to glance at the seats for the judges. New age seats. Wait a minute…they look like…urinals or basins? Then the cameraman caught them on camera and they were projected on the huge screen. Now, at that position with the new age tables in front, they look like toilet bowls. HAHAHA…

Anyway, we all know the results of the revival round now. I thought Juz-B was going to come through. But 迷路兵’s not bad too… :smile: 

To end Tuesday…Sis and I had some Jin birthday cake and Massu birthday cake…

 

a sudden wave

Calls with no answer.

Dates forgotten.

Promises broken.

Ignored. Wait. Hope.

Make-believe. Nothing. Nothing.

Just my whims and fancies.

A sudden wave of sadness overcomes me…

I need to get out now.