english vs. mandarin

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Just met up with Per and Pwen. Had dinner and a long chat. It actually feels good chatting with them…well, after work today. Simply coz I’m more comfortable conversing in English. At my workplace, Mandarin is the choice language spoken. Even the people who are bilingual, it seems they prefer conversing in Mandarin. Or it’s obvious that their Mandarin is better than their English.

I think my brain can’t switch from language to language fast enough or something coz I’ll be conversing in Mandarin and when I switch to English, it seems to come out all weird. Ends up like I’m blabbering some nonsense and a puzzled look will be painted on their faces. Then again, I don’t think I’m that good at conversations. Sometimes I can’t find the right words to express what I want to say.

Everytime I try to talk something in-depth in Mandarin with Aunty Hui Chuen, I feel I’m just going one whole round before coming to the point. In my mind, I know what I want to say in English but I have to tell my brain “Now, translate each sentence in Mandarin”. Although at the end of the day, however “horrible” the conversation ends up, she gets what I’m trying to say. But there are moments where I can see that she’s starting to get a little lost.

Speaking of work, I was doing a little more kitchen work today. I don’t know when they have become so confident that I can handle the setter’s job (making normal burgers). Omg…you can tell which burgers were made by me coz the wrapping is terrible. Rice burgers are much easier to wrap as they are generally less “bulky”. I can handle when there’s not many people. Hey, I’m s.l.o.w ok… I’m always amazed at how the aunties can do it so fast, so effortless. But I guess that’s from experience.

有时候，我觉得我越帮越忙。I think I’ve said this many times, please don’t hold so much confidence in me coz I don’t think I have that same level of confidence in myself. Without your confidence, when I fail it won’t feel so bad coz I’m only answerable to myself. If not, I’ll feel terrible, like I’ve let you down…

being realistic

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[edited on 18 Dec at 12.40am]
This drama is too sad yet so meaningful. You just can’t help but let the tears fall. After watching this, I’m sure you will look at your life differently. That when you face problems, no matter what, you will still have that light at the end of the tunnel to guide you. At least you will not need to feel your way through the dark.

A rainbow is pretty but does not last long. She is like a rainbow. Although she cannot live a normal life like everyone else, she brings hope to the people around her.
[edited]

And suddenly, the download is moving so fast. Good coz then I can get to watch (and sob) over episode 10 of 1 Rittoru no Namida.

Christmas is coming…my favourite holiday. But somehow I just can’t get excited over it this year. Maybe coz I’m so freakin’ poor and lazy this year. Not writing any christmas cards. If anyone wants to give me any xmas gift, make sure it’s money (ahemtwentybucksandaboveahem). I’m not being greedy, I’m being realistic. HAHAHA…

sea of red

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I went to the Mayday concert with Sis yesterday. It was like a sea of red in Expo. The band had mentioned that the theme for the night was red. It was the first time that a concert was held at the Max Pavilion at Expo. I was keen to find out how good the venue was. Suntec’s security is crap, people can almost do anything they want. Indoor stadium is good, try anything funny and you’ll get kicked out.

Well, as I overheard someone mention, the venue looked like some warehouse. I would imagine something like what some countries like to hold punk rock concerts in?

Anyway, I was a little amused since 2 doors away, City Harvest church had just finished their church service. Oh my…they have expanded to the East now. *shudders* It’s just me and my little observation/opinion on Christian churches. Ok, better stop now before I offend anybody.

Our seats weren’t very close to the stage. But I guess that was alright coz the concert was great. So fun…everyone so high.

I don’t know but I seem to have toned down on the whole star-chasing thing. I guess coz the initial kick you get out of doing all this has worn off after some time since these stars just keep coming back. I suppose if NewS were to come to Singapore it’ll be different. Hell yea…I bet I would be running all around.

*sigh* I guess I’m not writing a good entry here coz I can’t seem to think of what to say.

coming home

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[edited on 10 Dec at 1.13am]
I forgot to mention that I called Per to bug her on telling me her flight home so that I may go see her at the airport. Looking at my clock which registered the time as 4+pm, I did the math…which would be around 8+am in UK and decided Per should be up since breakfast is supposed to be served around 7+am. A sleepy voice answered the phone. Oopz…I woke her up from her nice little snooze. I know she won’t be able to get back to sleep then since she mentioned before that once she’s woken up, she can’t go back to sleep.

So sorry dear…
[edited]

Per is coming home soon~~~ Yay!

Pwen is home!!! Yay!

Why is episode 9 of 1 Rittoru no Namida downloading SOOOOOO slowly?! Can’t bear to wait. The previous episode was so freakin’ sad. You try to put yourself in each person’s shoes and you feel the pain of that person. Like how the real Aya said, she saw the effort put in by her classmates to give her a good farewell when she had to leave the school for medical reasons and she felt touched. But what she hoped to hear was “Aya, please don’t leave.” Everyone knew that that day would come, it was inevitable. But yet all she yearned for was a simple sentence.

And now I treasure my life so much more…

expectations

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*sigh* It’s good to be able to air your grievances to someone who is willing to listen or feels the same way as you do. Sometimes I find myself in a position where I’m unable to do so because I get shot down each time. What about me not bothering about the family or that I should examine myself first… It begins with anger then turns to sheer disappointment when I hear such stuff. Just coz the words mean to accuse me of something I’m not and they come from someone I hold dear.

I know you have problems and that I’m not in a position to judge you simply coz I will not be able to feel what you feel neither can I read your mind. But I wonder whether you realise the things you say and do hurt others as well. Maybe what I write here will make you feel more down but please don’t. Although I may feel angry or sad but it is only momentary. Whatever happens, you are still family – someone I love. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you.

I spent the afternoon looking through the SAT preparation booklet. I don’t know if I’m right in saying that I’m starting to get cold feet about the whole thing. I’m not sure I can make it. I keep getting thoughts of “what have I gotten myself into?” I really don’t want to waste the money. What if I study and still don’t make it? Sure, everyone keeps saying that I can do it coz I come from a family with a good English language foundation or that I came from the class with the best English language standard back in Secondary school. But I know myself best. Flipping through the booklet, looking at the type of questions I’m going to face, it’s really not easy. I haven’t even seen some of the words before. The essay, I’m not sure I can handle it.

I’ve told my parents not to mention about me taking the test to everyone. Especially since I’m taking the test around the Chinese New Year period. I know an uncle who is bound to criticise if he knew about it. If everyone got to know of it and I don’t make it then it’ll be so 丢脸 and it’ll make me feel worse. That I haven’t lived up to everyone’s expectations.

that final distance

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[edited at 3.25am]
Yes, I’ve gone through the links and did the editing. Now the page looks less…ermz…crowded?

Re-added my mp3 list and pv/mtv list. I removed it sometime ago coz the whole copyright/downloading issue played up again. Did that for safety reasons. Well, it’s back up now. I don’t need to teach you guys on what to do if you’re interested in something in the list right?

Seriously, I think it’s stupid to try and wipe out everyone who downloads stuff. If I could watch all the Japanese stuff on tv, would I be downloading them? And by sharing stuff around, you can’t deny that you learn about new artistes. I’m the kind who downloads and still buy the originals ok.

Alright…I think my brain is shutting down. I might start blabbering already. Off to sleep now.

*does the Akira “kon-kon” thing* (I know Per does that as well coz she messaged me to tell me that she does it…that girl ar… -_-|||)
[edited]

Yep yep…the layout’s done. The codes have been edited accordingly. *phew*

I guess I finally decided on something else. Hikki’s “Final Distance” holds so much emotion. Knowing why she sang it makes it all the more touching. Everything just flows together. The song just reminds me to treasure the people around me. Things happen everyday. One moment, someone dear could be here, the next moment gone forever…

I removed the radio blog and calendar. Felt there’s no use for them. I don’t think people really agree with my choice of music. I mean, how many readers actually go listen to the music I put up?

Next up…going to edit the links. Who am I kidding when I started linking every friend’s blog. Ok, being the kaypoh me, I used to look through every blog. The words are “USED TO”. So now I’m just going to link up to blogs and pages that I frequent. Don’t worry, for those who are going to disappear from my links, I haven’t forgotten about you. You will still be in my “Favorites” folder. I do visit your page occasionally, just not as much as those I’ve linked up. =)

puzzled

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Just as I was looking forward to spending the whole day (Friday) relaxing, going shopping…my hopes were dashed. No off for me, have to work. Happiness is somehow always shortlived. Honestly, it made me really upset this afternoon. Sent a message to dear Per (who is in UK). I’m ok now, so don’t worry too much for me.

Aunty Hui Chuen is so cute. She gave me a hug today. Not sure whether it was to cheer me up coz she did ask me whether there was something bothering me. Although at that moment, I think I was quiet coz I was trying to focus on my job.

Yea…quite dislike the kitchen. My hands always end up so painful. Knuckles painful from the heat of the teriyaki grill. Left palm from the heat from the rice burger. Can someone invent heat-proof gloves? The last I want to get is another burn. I’m not skilled yet. Can tell from the wrapping…some ok, some not ok. Well, if you want it done fast, then it’s not going to be a super good job. If you don’t like it, then don’t ask me to do it. Hey, it takes time to perfect a skill.

Why? I really don’t understand why people think I’m that good. I only find myself average in everything I do. I’m not trying to be modest, I really think that way. If I’m that smart, I wouldn’t be living day to day now not knowing what I want to further study. Not knowing what I want in life. So it puzzles me why aunties Hui Chuen and Kim Tee think I’m hardworking. I think I’m only doing my job well (in/to my terms). It may not be so to the upper management.

momentary loss

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I knew it was going since last night. Although the sore throat was gone, phlegm had sort of built up. My throat felt uncomfortable and as I talked, I could feel the strain. The feeling that my voice was going.

This morning, the voice sort of went. Suddenly I was talking in this very raspy tone. Tired, body aching a little, I knew I needed more rest. So called up and said I wasn’t coming in to work. I made the right choice coz now I’m feeling much better after resting the whole day. My voice decided to come back.

*phew*

Met Per yesterday to pass her some stuff. Then today, something bad happened. *sigh* Whatever’s done is done so I guess just settle the problem and hope for the best.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the ability to eavesdrop that well. Not that I want to do it on purpose but sometimes it just happens. I have also said before that I don’t like to be suspicious of people but sometimes people leave me with no choice. I happened to catch a statement that I think was referring to me. To make things worse, it came from someone whom I dislike. I would be lying if I said it didn’t affect me.

I am trying. I really am. I know I have lousy coordination skills thus I am doing my job at the pace I am comfortable with. I make mistakes but I have learnt to reproach myself less, instead, keep calm and be more confident so that I do a better job. I seem to be ok with things most of the time but I have a fragile side as well. I believe everyone has their fragile moments.

You know how it’s like to be having that good feeling and then a sudden statement just strikes you down. Luckily it happened towards the end of the day and besides that person, nobody else said anything more to fuel it.

My hand is getting better…I guess…

customers who need a slap part 2

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Sis reminded me of more examples of irritating customers. Let me add on to the list.

7) think I can read their mind. Specify what you want. Don’t just tell me “I want ice milk tea”. *sarcastic* Yes, and I can sense the vibes coming out of you that you want a regular cup or a large cup. Maybe I should just give you the largest cup to boost sales for that day.

8) keep flipping up the menu board on the counter top. Boy, you really have itchy fingers don’t you? Or maybe the pictures and words look clearer to you when you lift it up? Makes me feel like snatching the board and slapping your hands with it.

9) can’t seem to read and understand English. You “stare” so hard at the menu, point to the Unagi rice burger and tell me you want that. Can you also see the sticker with “temporarily not available” stuck across it? Or are you hallucinating that the sticker ain’t there?

Went to see the doctor about my hand wound coz it has gotten far more disgusting. Not going to post the photo in plain view again…might cause people to get nightmares. Got some cream and antibiotics coz doctor says it looks like it has gone a bit septic.